Miscellaneous: Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the...

By Superman - 15/11/2012 06:01 - United States - Bellflower

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 036

You deserved it 1 899

Miscellaneous

Batman

Dysfunctional

Stalker vibes

By shittysongs - 07/03/2013 02:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 846

You deserved it 7 077

By ManderDander - 05/09/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 845

You deserved it 8 140

By jaa319 - 30/10/2016 06:35 - United States

Today, a customer asked for my manager's number, my bosses number, corporate's number and filled out a complaint form, all because we kindly asked him not to sit his kid on the counter due to safety concerns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 283

You deserved it 608

By lalibear - 03/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 203

You deserved it 7 256

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:34 - Canada

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 626

You deserved it 25 692

By Timmay - 05/06/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boon swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 756

You deserved it 4 665

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 16:00

Today, I got told that I have a dainty sneeze. It was the closest thing I've had to a compliment I've had in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 137

By chlorobitch551 - 05/11/2014 16:54 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 784

You deserved it 2 882

By deadbunnies - 31/07/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 879

You deserved it 9 153

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2016 10:05

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 517

You deserved it 11 412

By komp6390 - 28/02/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 153

You deserved it 29 883

Parent #1 of the Year

By no i'm sure you're a responsible parent - 09/04/2020 02:00 - United States

Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 11:38 - United States - Salem

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 375

You deserved it 2 545

The lifescript

By RowanBlossom - 07/07/2020 05:01

Today, I found out that my mother doesn’t visit me because I'm the only sibling without children. She posts all about her wonderful children on social media, but I'm left out. She hasn't set foot in my house since I moved out of hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 03:26 - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 1 681

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 295

You deserved it 4 290

By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 01:59 - Canada - Waterdown

Today, I forgot to pay for my train ride for the first time. Today was also the first time I've ever seen transit security checking for people's tickets and kicking offenders off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 610

You deserved it 5 584

By Decker - 14/02/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with a hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we get out of my car, she starts sprinting to get out of the rain. I run to catch up and slip on a metal plate, and do a reverse superman onto my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 004

You deserved it 5 524

Randy Mandy

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 23:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I was eating lunch with my grandmother when a very muscular young man entered the restaurant. As soon as he walked in, my 70-year-old widowed grandmother looked at him and said, out loud, "Ooh, eye candy!" Everyone in the restaurant began staring at us, and the poor guy's face was red as a tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 96

By yarhyun1 - 19/08/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 233

You deserved it 2 523

By wow - 02/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 035

You deserved it 5 215

By Fack. - 19/02/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 923

You deserved it 8 625

They targeted gamers!

By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 324

By alexa - 08/12/2015 17:14 - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 993

You deserved it 2 619

Does it taste good?

By Oregon - 04/12/2019 18:00

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 736

You deserved it 500

Hair of the dog

By shartface12 - 06/06/2014 22:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 939

You deserved it 43 522

Gangsta

By Wolf - 07/11/2018 15:30

Today, I went to my local bank after getting an email from them concerning unknown purchases. Four hours later, I was still in police custody. Someone had been using my account to purchase guns and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 067

You deserved it 138

By Japaroni - 15/09/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 858

You deserved it 9 320

By dfkjhregoiuberiug - 09/12/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 897

You deserved it 4 812

By drivingmecrazy - 13/12/2016 16:54 - United States - Stamford

Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically". She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 210

You deserved it 691

By shampoomice - 07/08/2013 16:34 - United States - La Porte

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 784

You deserved it 5 408

Bootstraps

By thanks dad - 07/07/2021 07:01 - United States

Today, my dad paid for plane tickets for my brother’s girlfriend and her two kids so they could go to the family reunion on the other side of the country. He refused to buy my ticket though, because I "should’ve planned better." I lost my job due to Covid and used my savings to pay rent and bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 60

By nana. - 15/02/2009 15:29 - Canada

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 451

You deserved it 72 984

By hamandegger - 04/02/2013 20:17 - United States - Raynham

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 213

You deserved it 4 483

By ashamedklutz - 22/02/2014 00:20 - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 521

You deserved it 5 040

By me - 16/01/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends ranted on about how I am such a crappy girlfriend and how all of his friends don't like me. I just spent over $200 on a surprise party that I invited them all to last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 447

You deserved it 3 458

By David3000 - 24/01/2009 07:15 - Australia

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 796

You deserved it 27 834

By SwimmingInFear - 29/05/2012 03:36 - United States - Havertown

Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is; it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales and sharks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 050

You deserved it 7 755

By sosadstudent - 20/04/2011 20:52 - Netherlands

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 654

You deserved it 4 349

By anon - 05/12/2014 15:44 - United States - Georgetown

Today, my work department set a new sales record, something not done in nearly 30 years. It's corporate policy to give a bonus to each worker responsible as a reward. Our manager decided our "bonuses" would be plastic medals from Dollar Tree. He didn't even buy enough for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 2 456

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Top comments

MainPrism 16

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:03

Wow... I wonder what your teacher might have said if u had drawn Captain America.

chris_42 11

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:10

Are you sure you didn't accidentally draw SuperHitler? It's actually a common mistake.

ChelsiiBabee 5

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:51

Fuck superman's life...some people think he's a hater. All he wants to do is save people.

sarah17xx_fml 10

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Thursday 15 November 2012 13:02

#1 There's a button for that, you know...

RussianFox 13

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Thursday 15 November 2012 13:09

22- The rush for first comment almost always leads to stupidity.

wickedninja918 1

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Thursday 15 November 2012 15:04

at least she didn't say "first"

RS808 6

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Friday 16 November 2012 0:14

lol @ 18. I always wonder why people don't step up and defend themselves, though.. There are so many "mistaken" FMLs like this lately (The girl who got fired because her boss thought some guy was her bf, for example) I never let these kind of things happen to me.

EvilLittleGirl 24

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Wednesday 7 January 2015 0:53

why did people thumb this down?

MainPrism 16

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:03

Wow... I wonder what your teacher might have said if u had drawn Captain America.

oj101 33

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:20

Charge of treason followed by a death penalty?

LolPieRofl 11

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Thursday 15 November 2012 13:44

Off to the gallows!

Yourheadache 19

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Thursday 15 November 2012 14:19

Or Thor without shirt, yummy :)

myFMLname 8

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Thursday 15 November 2012 14:54

46- OP is a guy...

NothernNightmare 18

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Thursday 15 November 2012 16:12

50, What if he's gay?

decidedlyvague 11

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Thursday 15 November 2012 20:07

Are you sure you didn't draw SS man?

MURIKKA 11

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:06

Maybe a career in art isn't meant for you....

deBlobX 12

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:57

Just maybe...

0ops_i_died 8

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Thursday 15 November 2012 15:38

20- unnecessary comment is unnecessary

ballpython 15

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Thursday 15 November 2012 20:02

Maybe his teacher is just a republican.

shadowdragon1 1

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Friday 16 November 2012 0:00

Really

KaeSAL 11

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Friday 16 November 2012 5:00

Be careful. You don't want OP to become the next Hitler do you? He already has the anti-semitism and mediocre art skills. Add insult to injury and we might have a serious problem on our hands.

medfly 2

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

k_ninjaa 9

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:07

op drew superman

007type 26

Thursday 15 November 2012 12:48

*drawn Smh.

laden_swallow09 34

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Thursday 15 November 2012 13:20

I don't always correct another person's spelling or grammar, …but when I do, I make sure it's wrong, first.

BulldogHoops 14

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Thursday 15 November 2012 14:20

17- Come on now

sens3sfailing 24

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Saturday 17 November 2012 11:17

17 , that is one of the most blah tent cases of shitty grammar I have ever seen

RedPillSucks 31

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Saturday 17 November 2012 21:58

I read this with the image of "The most interesting man in the world" as your profile picture.

JFox 8

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:10

Übermensch o.o

Superstitious 6

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Thursday 15 November 2012 12:48

False. Superman did not have blonde hair and blue eyes.

merc302 1

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Thursday 15 November 2012 13:19

Actually that's a common misconception. Übermensch originates from the ideas of Nietzsche, who said that people were sheep being shepherded by weak ideas such as religion and that strong individuals, or Übermenschen, had a responsibility to step forward and assert their will over the weak. The term has since changed meaning slightly where today it means more of just anyone with great power, like a demigod or superhero. Bottom line: Superman is an Übermensch.