Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I was in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML
Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she'd carved her old boyfriend's name in her arm, and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
I won't be popular for saying this, but dump her. Manipulating you with the threat of leaving you is not ok. My ex used to do that. He threatened to leave me every time I wouldn't do what he wanted, even with dumb shit, like refusing to buy him a beer. One day I finally said, "Fine. There's the door." He just whined that I didn't care and didn't even move from the spot where he was. He never threatened to leave me again. I suggest that next time she threatens to dump you, call her on her bluff. If she dumps you, good riddance. If not, she won't be manipulating that way again.
SerpentBoy 8
Stand your ground boss, or she will want to control you forever..
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Comments (99)
buckdharma 38
It was for your own good op. Wearing that giraffe onsie everywhere would eventually got you beaten up, plus you smelled bad.
mschmuty_fml 19
still a better love story then twilight
xmaximusx 12
Bye bye balls
klovemachine 24
bye bye happiness :-O
nycwrestler 17
How do you know that?
rokahh 2
OP being beta as ****
iloveshim 14
That's some 50 shades of grey shit
klonnq 4
Perhaps she just has a quick wit and a sense of humor, even if a bit twisted....
SighGuy89 5
That's very un-bro-coming of you, bro. Eventually women get fed up with wimpy men they can walk all over.
Jordath_Fil 11
He is OP's next for neighbor and has been crushing on OP for years. He is now hoping that OP might notice him.
whoknew1 3
you know how women are...always find a way to get their way!