Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I was in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML
Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she'd carved her old boyfriend's name in her arm, and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
I won't be popular for saying this, but dump her. Manipulating you with the threat of leaving you is not ok. My ex used to do that. He threatened to leave me every time I wouldn't do what he wanted, even with dumb shit, like refusing to buy him a beer. One day I finally said, "Fine. There's the door." He just whined that I didn't care and didn't even move from the spot where he was. He never threatened to leave me again. I suggest that next time she threatens to dump you, call her on her bluff. If she dumps you, good riddance. If not, she won't be manipulating that way again.
SerpentBoy 8
Stand your ground boss, or she will want to control you forever..
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Comments (99)
Schizomaniac 24
Your relationship sounds very childish. You should take advice from me, because all the girls love me and I have sex every night. *goes back to masturbating*
DrunkButterfly 17
I realize that was a joke, but your a freak.
campingbellnub 13
Do you realise it's you're?
DrunkButterfly 17
I do now :) sorry
Johnpinkerton 4
Bam, got em both.
379_fml 11
17- priceless. Atleast you don't lie about it like a jock... Strap
oj101 33
Still a better love story than Twilight.
buckdharma 38
twilghtzoned
dontpanic_fml 32
...When will people realize this line is dead so it can actually die
CharresBarkrey 16
We get it. Literally everything is better than Twilight.
rattusrattus 19
How not to do Femdom.
dieselwrench4 4
Like a boss....
BlowinChronic 18
"My girlfriend is trying to control me! Haha I'm such a boss!"
evergrey 4
Emotional blackmail is a bad sign. I suggest taking that red flag for what it is and moving on.
LMFAOwned 9
Now I understand that he mustn't let the girl control his life but if he wants to keep that girl he'll have to submit to her. Sorry, that's how life works
Jordath_Fil 11
So you're saying that OP should find another girl right? That's how I read your comment anyway.
AshBash2211 14
I completely disagree. Neither partner should have to "submit" emotionally in a relationship. Compromise is key but there is a huge difference between compromise and submitting.
Xalandra 17
49-Why is your profile pic an Angel?!!?!! Don't you know that any image of an Angel becomes an Angel?! What the hell man?! (and if you thumb me down 'cause you don't know what I'm talking about, then I Weep for you)
SuperDanielNL 23
I am no expert but that can't be healthy in a relationship. Don't screw around with threats that can seriously affect a persons feeling. OP, considering it's a 4 year relationship think about wether you should make her threat come and dump her.
pooperoni 6
threaten her back. just tell her that if she's going to dump you, not to be jealous when you **** another woman the same night that you get dumped
PincessBoff 6
Are you stupid? Did you parents smoke meth while you were a developing fetus? Saying, "Don't be jealous when I **** another woman the same night you dump me!" would do NOTHING but cause serious ******* drama. You must be one of those drama fiends.
CharresBarkrey 16
51 - Or he's a 15 year old virgin.
PincessBoff 6
That could be true as well, 62. For all we know, it could be both!
EvilUndead 9
Well, now in the future you have the right to refuse to be dumped.
Hammer01 8
Smart Woman!!!! Now on your knees....