Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML
Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML
Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly ate the last of it, looked up smiling and said, "Thanks!" The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML
Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML
Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML
Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML
Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML
Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Kinda funny. What made you think it was for a high five? Have you never been out to eat before?
teentee401 37
Well doesn't the waiter usually pick up the plate, or say something? Instead of just holding their hand out in silence?
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Comments (168)
christopherlove 0
I too have felt the pain of accidentally returning a high five and then realizing this was not the other party's intention. It was 14 years ago. You never really forget. I just-- I just thought he was trying to be friendly. :*-(
Go_Home 0
@74: I'm sorry, who are you to call me a hypocrite? Do I know you? No. So please keep to yourself and business. Oh, and I wrote a whole paragraph about how dramatic some people make their lives seem, and it was a response @4, not a whole paragraph of complaining about an FML entry. Please take your time to read and understand what others are saying before you just create a distorted, vague, and silly come-back. Thanks :)
insomniacdude 0
@80: "who are you to call me a hypocrite?" That would be a good point if you hadn't have written a fairly lengthy comment calling someone immature, over dramatic, and pathetic. The same right that gave you the ability to call someone those things is the same right that gave 74 the right to call you a hypocrite. Coincidentally, this just irons out the fact that you are, in fact, a hypocrite.
airplanefood 0
Haha how cute. and for all the people saying this site should only be for people whose lives are horrible - really? Then we wouldn't get any funny ones, just people who are or will be seriously depressed. All the ones that were funny don't meet your criteria for your life being really "******". Go look at all your favorites, they should all be deleted. Do you really want this site to have no humor and just be grim so you can feel better about your life? Go read a psychology book then, and stop coming to this site if you hate it so much.
Chazlol 7
Not really a FML..
lovethewordnerd 0
Look on the bright side: It would have been much worse to give him your plate if he was really asking for a high five!
swtp93 0
that is a REALLY bad waitor he should have taken the plate not asked for it xP
falcon_paunch 0
How often do waiters ask customers for high fives?
BiscuitHead 0
how is this an FML, this should be more like a FU cuz you're just an ass hole for not using common sense...besides who would want to give YOU a high five after a retarded move like that. FU not FML.
ThePerfectDrug 0
Oh my God, you guys are being so immature about this. I agree with #4. I really don't want to come on here every day and read a bunch of depressing stories. Is everyone just that morbid anymore? Jeez, this site is really showing how true "Vicarious" by Tool is. Hahaha.