Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML
Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML
Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly ate the last of it, looked up smiling and said, "Thanks!" The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML
Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML
Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML
Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML
Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML
Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Kinda funny. What made you think it was for a high five? Have you never been out to eat before?
teentee401 37
Well doesn't the waiter usually pick up the plate, or say something? Instead of just holding their hand out in silence?
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Comments (168)
ThePerfectDrug 0
And Go_Home, are you one of those overdramatic little angsty teenagers who like to come on and make a big ******* soap opera about everything?
Go_Home 0
@81: If you can actually quote me for calling anyone "immature, "pathetic", and "overdramtic", then you'd be as good as your words. Having to repeat this again, it would be nice for you to read before making come-backs. @89: Errr, no. I just have an opinion and I say it. That doesn't make me an "over-dramatic little angsty teenager". What is your problem?
brown_eyed_girl 0
@ #66 mylifeisaverage.com is a dumbass site its so stupid. what the hell.
brainwascht 0
haha, i would so do something like this.
JonReb 0
Lol I think it's cool man, no reason to be embarassed. YDI mainly because you thought it was a FML. lol
ashbash92 0
Hahaha, that's funny. Not an FML, I would have laughed so hard.
Skinny89 0
That's ****** awesome.
shadow_child 0
The waiter should have either a) taken your plate or b) asked for it before sticking his hand out. Still hilarious though. xD
PohTayToez 0
A decent waited would never ask for someone to hand him a plate. You totally did the right thing.
Holybatman 16
Agreed with #4. Personally, I laughed more about this one than some of the more "serious" FML's, and I can relate to it better. I come to this site mainly to unwind and laugh, not to go into depression or take sadistic pleasure from the tragedies of others (maybe that last one a bit).