Miscellaneous: Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 70

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 37

09/03/2014 06:08

Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 626

You deserved it 6 151

Our house, in the middle of our street

Age difference

Late term

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 219

27/06/2013 17:35

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 236

You deserved it 3 091

06/11/2014 19:09

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 520

You deserved it 38 150

Sorry, dude

By kiki - 25/05/2009 01:35

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 798

You deserved it 12 601

12/08/2011 05:33

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 253

You deserved it 7 832

Baby Got Back

By backfat - 18/05/2018 01:44

Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 598

You deserved it 1 050

19/05/2009 14:04

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 194

You deserved it 9 298

07/05/2009 10:44

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 671

You deserved it 5 187

12/04/2012 12:51

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 3 252

Denied!

By Cyrah - 16/07/2019 18:15

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 265

Keep out

By username - 06/06/2020 08:04

Today, my social awkwardness got to an all-time high when I hoped that I wouldn't get the job that I applied for, because I'd be working with the public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 319

Oh, so sexy

By quarantine15 - 28/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 606

11/07/2013 00:15

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 337

You deserved it 4 369

Move, bitch! Get out the way!

By FlatFoot - 05/10/2017 07:00

Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 884

You deserved it 305

14/03/2009 09:46

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 731

You deserved it 11 131

16/11/2011 04:15

Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 3 177

12/08/2014 06:23

Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 215

You deserved it 3 991

11/08/2013 16:26

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 888

You deserved it 5 724

05/02/2010 21:18

Today, I decided to change my boyfriend's background on his phone. As I was in the process of changing it, I noticed his most recent picture is of a naked girl. The naked girl happens to be my 18 year old sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 788

You deserved it 4 999

23/06/2010 01:41

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 094

You deserved it 62 780

Dopamine

By Kaya Marley Ramsey - 05/10/2021 06:00

Today, Facebook stopped working and I realized how emotionally dependent I am on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 913

12/08/2011 20:10

Today, I was on the bus when a really cute guy came on. The only seat left was the one next to me, so I smiled and waited for him to sit down. He looked at the seat, looked at me, and opted to stand until his stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 076

You deserved it 4 859

31/12/2009 08:01

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 435

You deserved it 5 680

Quickie

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, I realised that unless I masturbate about an hour before sex, sex lasts less than 20 seconds, but even after masturbating I’m still lucky to last a single minute. I don’t know how to stop disappointing her, and she’s my first serious girlfriend. I’m pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 458

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 17:59

Today, I found out that I'm not getting a new position I applied for at my company. Now, I have to continue working for my boss, who recently severely criticized my spelling in my reports, only they weren't my reports, and when I pointed this out, she simply never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 70

06/06/2012 08:06

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 995

You deserved it 3 031

13/08/2013 14:55

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 198

You deserved it 5 391

10/09/2009 21:34

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 529

You deserved it 7 501

06/09/2012 03:27

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 020

You deserved it 4 061

06/02/2013 03:08

Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 156

You deserved it 6 668

06/02/2010 02:18

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 212

You deserved it 6 926

13/12/2009 06:26

Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 808

You deserved it 26 010

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 1 985

04/01/2015 01:30

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 162

You deserved it 5 901

07/09/2014 13:45

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 633

You deserved it 4 435

08/07/2014 23:37

Spicy

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 654

You deserved it 6 707

08/08/2016 13:58

Today, I had a terrible stomach ache and had some pretty bad gas at work. I tried to head down to the basement for a while to allow my coworkers to continue in peace. About an hour after I came back up, my boss called pest control due to the horrible smell that "must be dead rats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 440

You deserved it 1 281

12/04/2014 19:59

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 627

You deserved it 4 661

05/07/2009 04:57

Spicy

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 075

You deserved it 9 826

03/12/2010 16:29

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 417

You deserved it 2 715

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:21

did she even try to do the polite thing and jump after it?

doctorhook86 24

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:20

I left my phooonnnneeee... In Saaaannn Frraaannnsisco...

Comments

Black_Knight80 13

Sunday 9 March 2014 15:20

Wow, that girl has no manners. Sorry about your phone OP.

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:25

An accidental bump does not mean the girl has no manners. People are clumsy.

mbusey 20

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Sunday 9 March 2014 19:16

That's my question though - why did it even matter to OP that it was a teenage girl? How does the age or gender of the person who bumped into him make a difference in the fact that he dropped his phone?

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Sunday 9 March 2014 19:23

OP was just being descriptive.

mylifeequalsfml 5

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Sunday 9 March 2014 20:58

at first I was like, oh it's okay just a broken screen and then I read the rest and I was like oh man, yeah, that's more than a broken screen

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Sunday 9 March 2014 21:16

If you are going to be bumped into, teenage girl is better than anything else IMO.

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Sunday 9 March 2014 21:43

He should've "accidentally" bumped her over the bridge

LuciaTheReadhead 9

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Sunday 9 March 2014 23:15

Did she even offer to pay for it? I think it would be the correct thing to do

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Monday 10 March 2014 2:09

It's just a way to identify who it was? Didn't say because she was a teenage girl she has no manners

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Monday 10 March 2014 20:30

#85 Why should she offer to pay for his phone if it was an accident?

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Tuesday 8 December 2015 3:41

Because accidents still happen. If I accidentally broke your phone wouldn't you want me too but you s new one?

doctorhook86 24

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:20

I left my phooonnnneeee... In Saaaannn Frraaannnsisco...

friedpwnadge 25

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Sunday 9 March 2014 16:20

Deeeep in the bayyyyyy It criesssss to meeeeeeeee

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Sunday 9 March 2014 19:54

This made me laugh too hard!!!

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Sunday 9 March 2014 21:19

Did you wear some flowers in your hair?

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Sunday 9 March 2014 21:36

I don't get it.. pls explain

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:21

did she even try to do the polite thing and jump after it?

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Monday 10 March 2014 1:33

She must have bumped you pretty hard for it to go all the way over.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Tuesday 11 March 2014 3:01

It doesn't really take much for a phone to drop, though.

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Tuesday 11 March 2014 4:30

Lol you could interpret it as going over the bridge like over the top of it lol. I think it was a bad joke

lisaroxmysoxx 16

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:21

Always look on the positive side, at least it wasn't you that fell off the side of the bridge!

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Sunday 9 March 2014 18:05

That is really positive.

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Sunday 9 March 2014 18:59

Plot twist: OP fell down as well, and managed to type this FML before plunging to his/her death.

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Tuesday 11 March 2014 12:26

True dat. Probably did happen

caohm 18

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:22

FMLLLLLLLLLLLLL is probably what your phone would say going over that bridge.

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Sunday 9 March 2014 16:37

It probably wouldn't be saying anything... It's a phone!

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Sunday 9 March 2014 17:00

Yeah... "FUCK MY LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE..."

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Sunday 9 March 2014 22:32

26 - If it was an iPhone, Siri might yell that as she plunges to her death.

MinaGermania 12

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:23

I really hope she apollogized. That sucks though :/

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:30

Just don't be a Hera, and jump in after it. Poseidon needs modern communication too.

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Thursday 13 March 2014 7:54

Well it was California so I can say from years of personal experience she probably told him to watch where he is walking and called him no shortage of profanities while walking away. God I don't miss that place for a second.

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:26

Hopefully she didn't do it on purpose.

zarrie_carrie281 21

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:26

well did she apologize??

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Thursday 13 March 2014 7:57

This is California we are talking about. hell no she almost certainly didn't apologies. probably laughed at him.

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:27

Good excuse to upgrade

sarcasticlover 30

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Sunday 9 March 2014 15:32

be happy it wasn't a huge guy....or else it would've been you and your phone!

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 10 March 2014 8:54

Now that there is a silver lining.