By megasniper240 - 19/06/2012 15:35 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 767
You deserved it 17 867

megasniper240 tells us more.

OP here, to clear it up I was on my futon in my living room and they happened to catch a glimpse through the window. Also, it was an old lady with her husband.


They'll never bother you again. Congratulations!

God sees all but I guess this time his followers saw a little to much

That's what they get for (presumably) looking through peoples windows!

copydude 7

While living in SA we had continuous visits from JW's every other day for weeks they canvased our neighborhood.. I finally got tired of chasing them off.. so the next time they came to the door. I stripped down to my tightey whiteys, messed up my hair and answered while breathing hard.. and said what do you want!? you just interrupted me and my wife having a quickie ... they never came back

We don't believe in hell and dnt wrry we will be back

ilovejgam 0
monmon16 5

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That neither works for the JWs nor the Mormons. I have found though that if you tell them that they must sign a contract before entering your house that makes them pay you for any mention of religion, God, saving souls, Bibles, One true church and the such, they will go away and never come back.

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DontModMeDammit 10

It's his house, he can do whatever he wants, maybe it will scare the annoying bastards away.

hockeyoceancity 13

Such a fat squirrel... how is the branch holding him? He can hold a lot of nuts in his mouth...whorrel

Sometimes, things like this happen. Maybe the OP didn't notice that his windows were open or maybe these JWs tried to check if someone's at home?

You should have walked out and offered to shake their hand

Hey, there is nothing wrong with firing off a few knuckle children. And I'm sure op wasn't just whackin away in front of an open front door, so whatever was seen by the witness is their own fault.

JocelynKaulitz 28

At least you don't have to worry about them coming back…

2, He probably wasn't expecting company. Plus, we all just learned how to get them to leave us alone. Woohoo! *complete sarcasm (I wouldn't want random people watching me get off)*

william8691 10

The power of christ compels you!!

I just remembered the scene in SouthPark where in the episode where there is no more internet, Randy uses the Red Cross's Internet to jack off. When they found him, Randy was saying, "oh God!!! there was this huge white ghost and I was fighting it! Don't you see all of his ectoplasm?" Sorry in advance to hardcore SouthPark fans if I got the quote wrong.


savyk2014 6

I was the 100th thumbs up on this comment!

And I was the fourth thumbs down on yours, 161. And no one cares.

164- you're right! If no one cares, then why did you do the same? *no common sense on this site.

lizabeth200 4

And I was the 13th on yours. We see what the world is coming too. >_

the_anti_hipster 7

It is said that every time you **********, God kills a kitten. If that's true, all of us here on FML have contributed to insane amounts of Kitty-cide...

thePr3da1i3nrulz 4

Kittens turn into cats, now hand me my lotion.

161 I am honoured that you felt the need to post about it but its no big achievement

I read that as dog is everywhere. Close enough.

Congratulations #161!!! I was your 80th thumbs down!!!

I don't think that's what they wanted to witness, but hey, at least they saw something they can prove for once!!

smydiwannafthata 5

Exactly. Also if you don't understand my comment, you're out of luck, I'm not explaining it.

Gee 13 I don't seem to recall anyone asking...

davidisbeast 12

I don't understand your comment. Please explain.

mrbobmarley4 8

It's pretty self explanatory..?

Lol, read #4's profile. Against homophobes, then he wonders why he got banned using the word "******".

It's okay 104. His girlfriend of seven months likes him.

And he's working at his dream job giving popcorn to his bum buddy. Don't mess with this guy.

Drizzelhell 3

I think its funny trying to be all big and bad. 7 months wow thats a long relationship try 3 years and and one of them spent apart do to army which is fine we both understand thats why we signed. But remember she likes u, Why doesn't she love u? To me you are not even worth thumbing down. Ur entire profile screams give me attention yeah grow up.

I think 170 just had an emotional break down on FML...

andrade_anthony 0

You shouldn't be saying things like that

It's cool guys, he just forgot his bloating medication. I'm not going to argue with a guy like him, it's like arguing with a blonde, after hours of logical appeals, you still end up looking for the corner in the circular room. Arguing with people over the Internet is lame. I have one thing to say to him. Your middle sprinkler in your backyard is broken. You might want to get that fixed. LoganBurrito I haven't seen you forever.

4, By far, hands down the funniest comment I've read in FML. And I've been reading them for over 3 years now. I always talk about how they have no proof :-).

Yea right like every other religion has proofed shit at least they don't rape little kids

mcaisse77 17

That sounds awesome. You should have just been like "take this as a no, I don't want to join."

Jesus is coming!!! Oh wait, you're coming.

jaredofmo 22

Good one, but Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in Jesus.

Oops my bad. I was thinking about Mormons then. Both do show up to your door and solicit religion.

Aug1508 9

They do believe Jesus... I'm one I should know.

Yay now my first comment is validated ;)

50: I think you're confusing Jehova's Witnesses with another religion because they do believe in Jesus.

Ahhhh....yes they do! If it's in the bible, they believe in it! And I'm pretty sure last I check Jesus was in the bible!!

They believe in Jesus but they don't believe in the Trinity.

Tali147 16
Llamacod 11

wait, I'm confused, do they believe in jesus or not?

I'm a JW and yes we believe in Jesus. We don't believe in the trinity.

andrade_anthony 0

They do believe in Jesus I am one

I'm pretty sure that JWs believe that Jesus was a prophet and such, but he was not God embodied in the second person of the Trinity. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's my understanding.

-60 - so if you don't mind me asking, what do Jehova's Witnesses believe and why do they show up at your door?

RaVeN53 7

Why don't you do some research before you assume something about another persons religion

Jehovah means Jesus. Draw your own conclusion. It's one of his many names. I think I'm gonna get thumbed down to kingdom come. *puts on helmet*

LOL no it doesn't. It's the Anglicised form of Yahweh, from the Hebrew YHWH. It's the name of the god of Israel. Basically, it means "God", not "Jesus". JWs don't believe in the Trinity, BTW.

324- maybe I was taught wrong? I was brought up in a Baptist church. I've heard Him be called (excuse my spelling!) Jehovah Jyra, Jehovah Shamah, and Jehovah Nee-See. I totally just sounded those out.

borkchop1992 15

Did he just barge in like an asshole? Or did you open the door while you masterbating somehow

Presumably, they saw him through the window.

I still wonder why on earth they'd look through someone's window. That's pretty rude, but he got what he deserved for it!

Oh, you meant the Jehovah's Witnesses. The only "he" I knew was OP.

AngryBeaver32 8

Finish strong with direct eye contact. Then not even the Mormons will knock on your door.

mrbobmarley4 8

Am I the only one who laughed their ass because of this comment?

xoxo_cherri_xoxo 6

10, I think Mormonism requires a belief in God.

51- no you're not but I was laughing because angrybeaver made a sexual joke.

I already regret that comment. Mods please remove or moderate that and this please.

FiestaInMyPants 8

51 - The profile picture made it even funnier for me.

xoxo_cherri_xoxo 6

199, that's what I said. The person claiming to be Mormon made an atheist comment prior.

227, oh my bad, I must have read it all wrong, sorry! I'm an inactive Mormon

Answer the door but keep going, that's one way to keep them from coming back


But that won't keep him from coming.

asherlyb0810 0

Actually they would still come back