Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
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Top comments
2ndSucks 15
She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.
Fx13mz 7
Dude, you ****** up. =/
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Comments (207)
sailorfreak_fml 4
why would you do that with your stalker? o.o sorry to hear that op
dcg1375 7
Because crazy chicks are the best in bed! But it always comes back to bite you in the ass...
allard 14
She did that as well, 60.
HomeAl0ne 20
Because she's crazy as bat shit and will do anything you ask. You just keep getting freakier and freakier until she cracks or you run out of ideas. And they always crack first.
lovefml987 1
DNA test !!! Need I say more
CheeseOnTheSide 3
ydi for not ending it before it got worse.
AthleticSwaqq 8
That's you're fault. You did it with you stalker..?! Hmm. Most of that is your blame, especially if you didn't use protection..
YayFlameWarz 9
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
Zoth 0
Why'd you **** our stalker?
lulututu 4
Jealous?
benderbot19 0
That was OUR stalker, man. How could you do this???
angryboot 0
Sharing is caring
luvliidee21 5
she probably poked a hole in the condom!!!
florido_fml 10
Now your going to be in contact with her forever ever everr everrr
Angelice_fml 0
It's called protection.
HomeAl0ne 20
No, it's called 'ATM' when it's with a stalker.
falloutboylove7 0
wow that sucks but i still dont understand y if u consider someone a stalker u obv have enough feelings to have unprotected sex..
BjgUsername 12
He could have just been horny and the condom could have ripped
False_Stupidity 42
Maybe because the FML says 'borderline stalking' meaning she's not quite considered a stalker.