Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
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Top comments
2ndSucks 15
She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.
Fx13mz 7
Dude, you ****** up. =/
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Comments (207)
sweetsam2005 2
That's what you get for dipping your stick where it doesn't belong!
Joey44 15
You're an idiot. In fact, I'm having trouble believing this woman is as much of a stalker as you make her out to be, because if she really is then the level of sheer stupidity you would need to achieve to have sex with her one month ago is so high, you probably wouldn't even know how to have sex.
jkemp1984 10
She's probably lying
iluvhobos 5
No I didn't, it was just on the floor next to me.
aFreedom127 9
Happy Father's Day!
False_Stupidity 42
A few thing bother me with people's assumptions here: 1. The FML reads 'borderline' stalking, so no she isn't quite considered a stalker by the OP. 2. People assume OP didn't wear a condom and then call him stupid.. These aren't fail safe and people can still get preggo.. that's why multiple control methods are best. 3. If she's a stage 5 clinger and clearly the OP has just ended the relationship, 'cause it was his 'final bout' the there's every chance she has made up the pregnancy to try and get him back.
Levvy 22
Considering her "issues", she could be lying or just hysterically overreacting. If she's taken (or claims to have taken) an actual pregnancy test, then the former could still be true. I've known girls who got so worked up with paranoia about pregnancy that they threw off their menstrual cycles, which in turn got them even more worked up, and so on.
brentrules 0
Women are just liars and ******, just punch her in the baby!
Namenlos_fml 20
If she wants you that bad, she might be lying. I've seen it happen before. Demand a paternity test.
Becky6487 5
You're either pathetically desperate to sleep with someone you loathe so much, or a major asshole. I'm betting both. Feel sorry for the "stalker," I mean, the nerve of her, developing feelings for someone who's engaged in a sexual relationship with her.