Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
2ndSucks 15
She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.
Fx13mz 7
Dude, you ****** up. =/
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (207)
N3766 20
congratz for your stupidity...
Freeze_fml 17
Doing the most intimate thing possible with a stalker is a great way to ward them off.
SlightlyUnstable 6
Genius move on your part, congratulations! Seriously, what were you thinking, that you would get rid of her??
blueberry1427 3
No glove no love! Seriously though, she's probably a pathological liar. She wants you so bad that she's going to make up a pregnancy.. Or maybe she is pregnant. Take a fraternal test to make sure it's yours. If it is then.. FYL.. or maybe YDI.. I can't decide. D=
Biotechie 5
Dude, I don't think the kid would be his brother. Taking a PATERNITY test however...
meirasanya 10
Paternity test?
kronick_fml 0
Wrap your stump before you hump a stalker
taazer 12
Dude that's (******)
skyeblue82 5
Ydi for sleeping w/your borderline stalker
underguarded 20
How did you not see this coming!?
underguarded 20
How did you not see this coming!?
cupcakedoom 3
Probably shouldn't have unprotected sex (or sex at all) with someone you don't actually like or want to see again..