Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
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Top comments
2ndSucks 15
She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.
Fx13mz 7
Dude, you ****** up. =/
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Comments (207)
ultra_notorious 26
that'll teach where and when to stick it!
perdix 31
Now she's going to get the State to do the stalking for her. Kick it up to Stage 6!
every1luvsboners 11
Just remain calm, we've all been through this; she's full of shit. But if she's not, change your name to Ron Mexico and move to Cuba.
haw008 14
This might be a desperate attempt to keep you around. Make her go to the doctor to make sure she is really pregnant.
taazer 12
Yeah i was thinking the same :)
wildthang428 10
1) Make her show you a positive pregnancy test (in person after she just took it, not a photo- she could easily get a picture off the internet) 2) DNA test once you're able to get one 3) Pray it isn't yours.... Good luck OP
leadman1989 16
She told him "harder, better, faster, stronger" And noe "She got him for 18yrs" "And on the 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his!" Ok I need some sleep now I'm losing my mind.
Palirose 22
Why would you not wear a condom? YDI for sleeping with a woman who you don't even want to be with.
dfens 8
Sounds like a pregnant situation.
little_monster21 0
Hmm. sounds to me like she planned this. now you're stuck foreverrrr.
JinxosGirl87 0
Is a dry spell in the sex department that horrible for you that you had to screw the first female you ran into, or better yet, found peeking in your windows?
BjgUsername 12
Yes it is