Today, my drunk mom informed me that out of all my potential brothers and sisters she’s swallowed over the years she’s "glad" I’m the one she "accidentally drooled onto her crotch, swam up her fanny and invaded" her "virgin egg." This kind of shit is why I moved out at 16 and still have a therapist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML
Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML
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Top comments
BloodyButUnbowed 32
... at least she's glad? That may well be the weirdest attempted compliment I've ever heard. Sorry, OP.
RichardPencil 32
You'll need therapy indefinitely until they invent brain bleach. I'm probably going to need some help from just reading this!
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Comments (7)
BloodyButUnbowed 32
... at least she's glad? That may well be the weirdest attempted compliment I've ever heard. Sorry, OP.
RichardPencil 32
You'll need therapy indefinitely until they invent brain bleach. I'm probably going to need some help from just reading this!
SirEnigM0nk 22
Right?? I was all set to order Panera but now appetite ruined. Brain bleach needed.
bobsanction 18
You're gonna need more therapists.
JasonThorn 23
...tell me, OP...why haven't you gone no-contact with this toxic excuse for an egg donor?
diraven 15
OnlyFans link?
brose2417 3
That is one of the most outlandish statements I’ve ever heard.