Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML
Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989." They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
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Top comments
dude1122332 9
And over there honey was the sand castle your father and I conceived your brother.(:
WCARlover 35
I honestly could give a flying crap where I was conceived...I don't see why that matters
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Comments (119)
kimmi41509 10
I think everyone who has been to a beach has gotten sand in places one should never. -_-
KiddNYC1O 22
Nice one! ^
sougstad 7
Some moms really don't know the difference between not telling enough and then telling you way too much.
Bree12345 15
why didn't you just put a blanket down?
dude1122332 9
Because it wasn't op, it was her mom.
J4C0B 1
Watch that sandy crack it's naaaassstttyyy
dude1122332 9
Haha. Sponge Bob jokes, can never go wrong with em.
DocBastard 40
You inadvertently discovered Parents' Rule #212(b) - "Embarrass your child at every opportunity, especially when it comes to sex. Embellishing is perfectly acceptable and justifiable." Of course we now have to kill you.
sirpantselot 22
Or impregnate her.
sirpantselot 22
Or impregnate her.
eccentrix 12
What did you expect to hear about when you asked your mom about her sex life?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
OP, we have something in common. I was conceived in Hawaii too! I'm pretty sure it wasn't on a beach, though. And wouldn't they think to set down a towel or something for that very reason? Let this be a lesson learned, OP. Don't ask if you don't want to know an answer.
AznSamoan52 10
Lol, same here too!!!!!!!
teresa96706 29
cheehooo! Born and raised here in the 808! XD
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
My parents were stationed at Hickam. Lol. That's why.
AznSamoan52 10
This is like a Hawaiian family reunion I never had............ *single tear falls from cheek*
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Oh, my FML ohana! :')
raraisbang 12
I stayed at Hickam AFB for the summer with a friend, it was pretty nice :)
Gman1234gman 7
same here
Irishgypsy 2
Also, sex on gravel hurts. Thank you captain obvious.
TheTornado 6
Look on the bright side! Better than a dumpster!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
****, IM TERRIFIED OF YOU. GO AWAY. DONT TAKE MY HOUSE OR ANY COWS.
AznSamoan52 10
26) Or better than in the middle of a tornado for that matter.