Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML
Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989." They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
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Top comments
dude1122332 9
And over there honey was the sand castle your father and I conceived your brother.(:
WCARlover 35
I honestly could give a flying crap where I was conceived...I don't see why that matters
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Comments (119)
numbersystem 4
Imagine how awkward it would have been if you had walked in on your parents conceiving you...
kimmi41509 10
Even though that's impossible -_-
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
My brain is full of...****. Wait, what? I'm having trouble processing this.
fishface517 10
Time travel!
trippythehippy 6
Now that's skill...
Ugi 27
Yeah 27 - don't you just hate it when that happens!
desertrose415 8
How would that even work..?
loserman67 36
"Why no Dear, you weren't conceived on the beach. Don't be silly. You were conceived when your father, at least I think it was your father, I was pretty drunk at the time, bent me over the Tiki Bar and had his way with me." AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, parents, so skilled at providing us mental images that can never be washed out. Your mother's alabaster ass nestled in the sand as Dad pounds away. Good luck with that one. No amount of Jim Beam will erase that from your mind or your nightmares.
YourLoss 0
Having sex in freshly cut grass isn't very fun, either.
kimmi41509 10
Certainly not. Not to mention finding a tick in your hair afterwards. *shudders*
RedPillSucks 33
In your pubic hair? Fully engorged with blood? *shudder*
kimmi41509 10
Lmao no, in my regular hair! I have no pubic hair.
SamanthaCassieL 10
I don't understand how this is an FML... If your boyfriend cracks jokes on how you were conceived regularly enough to bother you, he's probably too young (for you) to have a girlfriend.
SamanthaCassieL 10
What does that mean "comment moderated"? I just said that if OP's boyfriend is actually bothering her (especially if he's doing it over something stupid) he should grow up.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
It means the mods deleted your comment. You should get an email pretty much explaining why they did it.
slipmaster 6
shes just being real...
tony1891 22
as they say. life's a beach
littledancer55 1
I don't give a shit where I was conceived and I definitely don't want to know!
perdix 31
She should have passed on the anal.
Ugi 27
That of course is the ultimate "too much information" reply - "No darling. Of course you weren't conceived on a beach! We always had it up the butt when we did it on the beach!"
RedPillSucks 33
Nothing like being sawed in half while you're getting your shit pushed in.
dead_insects 18
oh, that description was wonderfully disgusting!! ^_^
5poil3d 0
I'd be happy for the warning lol I wish I knew before hand haha.....
xAlwayzHI 5
ROFL! Hawaii FTW!