Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML
Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989." They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML
Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
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Top comments
dude1122332 9
And over there honey was the sand castle your father and I conceived your brother.(:
WCARlover 35
I honestly could give a flying crap where I was conceived...I don't see why that matters
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Comments (119)
kimg0885 23
Even if you don't have sex on the beach you still come home with sand in the most awkward places. When my daughter gets old enough and asks where she was conceived ( although this is a weird question) I'm going to say " your bed, it's the baby maker!" ; just to creep her out.
Mandybruin 15
And then you can go ahead and invest in therapy. You know, just in case...
greenie213 23
Mental images rushing through head! MAKE IT STOP!!!
brandonjd25 3
Bahaha you're mom takes it up the butt!
RedPillSucks 33
sigh... Now I'll never watch sponge bob the same again. I'll probably get a woody whenever sandy the squirrel comes on. Too much???
perdix 31
A creative boyfriend would tease you that you were conceived in a volcano. Then, your mom could have regaled you with tales of your dad's man-magma!
Here4theshow 17
You set yourself up there OP.
kipfischer 11
Why would you care where u were conceived...you must think highly of urself to let that bother you...grow a pair
Shadow_Blues 10
The more you know? *star whooshes by*
vbmg152 19
You can't handle the truth!
poseymark 5
Long live Col. Jessep ;)
AznSamoan52 10
I was born in Hawaii, too!!!!! Though not on the beach........ Anyways, why would you care about where you were conceived? And why would you ask your mom? Everybody knows that if you ask your parents that question, you're bound to get the following: horrible and disgusting mental images, loss of a few brain cells, nightmares, head ache, nausea, diarrhea, and the incredible urge to throw up. Now to look at the side effects of these reactions..............
zen4681 8
Nausea is the incredeble urge to throw up.
AznSamoan52 10
Oh sorry, I forgot I put down nausea earlier. I didn't re-read my comment. My apologies. *goes into a dark corner*