Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML
Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML
Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question? "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML
Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML
Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML
Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Weird_situations 13
That's a really creepy thing to say to your daughter..
RedPillSucks 31
Tell him that if he had your ****, he would be a medical marvel and a hit at the LBGT convention.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (134)
lailaxjan 11
Well, father knows best. Your new career path is clear!
littlem91 29
Well, I guess at least he's not judgemental about how she could choose to use her assets.
DavidKnows 11
Funny idea! "Good idea Dad. I can set up shop right here at home & entertain strange men while you are at work! And if I get STD's, your health insurance will cover me!" (-click-)
graphicstyle7 17
That is the perfect reply!
Dodge4x4Ram 46
size matter, only a hater would disagree
Michael903 18
I might be hiring. Send me a picture of your resumes!! :-)
skyeyez9 24
I'd smack my husband if he ever said something that ignorant and gross to our daughter.
Xotoolyxo 16
The fact that your own father talks to you like that, makes me a little uncomfortable
Gassy_stevie 15
Well at least you have nice ****
underthesea12 24
father knows best!
JMichael 25
Your dad has no boundaries does he?
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
You know OP he makes a really good point..
Clarice1 9
My dad's actually said a semi-similar thing to me, but in a much, much less creepy way.