Miscellaneous: Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am... - FML

By vegas518 - 01/05/2013 23:13 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 245

You deserved it 4 454

vegas518 tells us more.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 17:09

First of all, I'm a woman... Not a man. So I'm most definitely not a mama's boy. My mom lives near by and she's older. I am the youngest as well. It's easier to say "stand up to her" or "grow some balls" - I've tried that and trust me... It's not worth the fight that happens afterward. Thanks for listening though.

Best teeth in the game

Final words

Sounds fishy

By that girl has a beard - 04/08/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 684

You deserved it 6 698

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 04:03 - United States - Meridian

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 207

You deserved it 5 034

By believe me now?? - 22/01/2016 20:55 - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 624

You deserved it 2 047

By John - 13/01/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I cleaned my entire apartment hoping to find the source of the terrible odor I've been smelling for the past week. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 095

You deserved it 39 666

What a question…

By Anonymous - 04/02/2015 03:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my science teacher decided not to recommend me for an honors science class for next year. The reason? Last week, I made the mistake of asking whether spray tans give vitamins in the same way as the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 988

You deserved it 47 590

By gooddaydude - 04/04/2015 19:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 317

You deserved it 4 279

By SchwesterGrimm - 19/06/2016 21:41

Today, a man sat next to me on a train carriage, despite various empty seats. During a weird conversation, I told him that I'm on my way back from London after seeing a friend from Germany there. He goes on to talk about Nazis and, with one arm in the air, asks me if he's doing the salute right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 287

You deserved it 949

By blabbermouth - 08/10/2012 17:26 - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 028

You deserved it 37 176

By SwimminginSweat - 27/02/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 114

You deserved it 4 492

By Anonymous - 08/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 468

You deserved it 2 742

By sleepy - 03/01/2011 02:58 - Norway

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 3 779

By lostandconfused - 31/05/2019 05:00

Today, I was teaching a class of 17-year-old Japanese boys English. Tripping over a school bag, I caught my foot in the bottom of my very loose elastic trousers. I pulled them down with my foot as I stumbled, exposing my underwear to all 40 students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 251

By Rage - 08/10/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 850

You deserved it 4 465

By VelociTheRaptor - 23/05/2017 02:00

Today, I was leaving work after a storm. They're building some new offices outside, so I had to walk on an uneven path near the construction zone. I came to a big puddle and tried to jump across to what I thought was a piece of asphalt. It was mud. I slipped and fell backwards into the puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 160

You deserved it 755

By Anonymous - 23/03/2012 23:51 - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 830

You deserved it 32 838

By brigitte - 27/06/2013 17:35 - France - Noyon

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 246

You deserved it 3 093

By ElleSavage - 26/05/2018 01:30

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 730

You deserved it 257

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

By Miren - 02/07/2021 22:01

Today, I thought I was suddenly having insulin problems due to my medical conditions. Turns out, every 4 weeks, your ovaries can just decide to make your blood sugar drop, even if you're transitioning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 405

By Anonymous - 04/04/2013 18:04 - Portugal - Sintra

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 958

You deserved it 7 266

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 5 808

By whatthewoah - 02/09/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 081

You deserved it 2 216

By yeah - 27/08/2010 23:16 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 737

You deserved it 38 810

I'm not that old!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 02:01

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 09/12/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, I told a customer to have a nice day. Little did I know it'd make her have an emotional breakdown and nearly cause me to lose my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 593

You deserved it 1 379

By Jay - 10/04/2009 14:41 - Germany

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 175

You deserved it 42 945

By noway - 03/01/2014 11:03 - France - Cholet

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 856

You deserved it 5 287

By fmlisthebomb - 01/03/2009 06:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 182

You deserved it 88 951

By trp007 - 07/04/2014 03:03 - United States - New Castle

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 263

You deserved it 42 585

She's right, you know

By Anonymous - 27/07/2009 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 906

You deserved it 55 897

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 16:11 - United States - Tyrone

Spicy

Today, my dad asked my brother not to use his shaver so late at night. That wasn't him, and it wasn't his shaver either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 533

You deserved it 3 271

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 20:24 - United States - Chandler

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 170

You deserved it 11 944

By Anonymous - 14/11/2009 07:27 - Canada

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 104

You deserved it 38 894

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 232

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 353

You deserved it 2 431

By missyoudad. - 31/08/2010 07:54 - Australia

Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 428

You deserved it 2 845

By iross - 23/10/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 641

You deserved it 3 289

By Anonymous - 05/07/2012 19:10 - United States - Findlay

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 695

You deserved it 9 985

Ouch

By Keegan O - 16/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was cleaning out the crawlspace and set a mousetrap off with my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 01:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 468

You deserved it 45 848

By Falafax - 12/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 223

You deserved it 4 449

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:35

sigh, parenting... it never ends.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:40

Tell your Mother off. Parents, like children, need boundaries. You are an adult for the love of God!

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:35

sigh, parenting... it never ends.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 14:25

One question...OP, why on earth would you tell your mother what you are doing if she's only going to berate you? Especially if she wouldn't find out unless you tell her. Don't tell her anything she doesn't need to know. Period.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 14:38

But was mama RIGHT? Did you f*ck up an important 9am meeting? Did you arrive to a family wedding stinking of beer? How did she find out? Tell us more...

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Thursday 2 May 2013 17:33

No, I was still up and at work on time. I wasn't drinking at the gig. Other than being really tired the next day, I was fine.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:39

Why did you tell her if you know she's like that? That would suck bad but.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 16:06

Oh sorry is this better: "that would suck major ass."?

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:40

Tell your Mother off. Parents, like children, need boundaries. You are an adult for the love of God!

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Thursday 2 May 2013 11:49

Exactly, you would have thought that he'd have said something at least 10 years ago...

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Thursday 2 May 2013 19:29

@26 how do u know he hasn't? some parents are beyond changing. while the best outcome would be for ops mom to finally stop babying him, the realistic option might only be telling her nothing.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:41

Move far away. Very, very far away. Why does she even know how late you stay out at night?

nightbirdblue 27

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Thursday 2 May 2013 15:35

Maybe a friend of the mom? Some moms have a network of people that will tell about the every activity of the child that they happen to see, even when that child is not longer a child. Perhaps mom called while he was out and broke into his house when he did not answer. Upon realizing he was not there and there was no woman or man that OP was having any sort of romance with there , she decided to nag him/her about staying out late.

thatsucks4you 7

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:42

Only child? Or youngest child?

flockz 19

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:43

she needs a hobby, like maybe pumpkin carving.

chanellgymnast 17

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:43

Parents. They will never be able to fully let go and let us live our own damn lives.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 14:51

So 8, how old are you?

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:43

You'll never get away from mom's loving care

candice22_fml 4

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:44

She needs to cut the umbilical cord.

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Thursday 2 May 2013 9:46

She is probably just worried, try to explain to her what you do requires you to work late. If that doesn't work, then don't tell her where you're going.. Just go. She doesn't need to know every detail of your life.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 17

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 107

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 1 258