By failed - Switzerland

Take a chill pill

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25016

You deserved it

46115

Favorite

Intimacy

Zoomed out

Stealth dog

Like the beginning of a porno

By cheesy grin

Today, my front tooth randomly fell out in the middle of class. I brush regularly and visit the dentist, the tooth was perfectly healthy looking, and it didn’t hurt beforehand or bleed. It literally just fell out for no reason. Now I have a gap grin and I don’t know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3907

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By husbands addiction - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45457

You deserved it

4388

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

I agree, your life sucks

79769

You deserved it

11755

Favorite

By LunaRayne13 - 10/9/2020 08:02

Ghosted

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1092

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/4/2020 05:00

There's an app for everything

Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1343

You deserved it

619

Favorite

By Whoops - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16100

You deserved it

72681

Favorite

By Kourou - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34108

You deserved it

3006

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24272

You deserved it

5892

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1976

You deserved it

264

Favorite

By robzzz - Canada

Stuck

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32522

You deserved it

3809

Favorite

By youre dumped shitforbrain - Sweden - H?lleforsn

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30624

You deserved it

5444

Favorite

By scarred - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57846

You deserved it

3913

Favorite

By Anonymous - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53648

You deserved it

3966

Favorite

By aaaaahhhh - Australia - Chatswood

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42743

You deserved it

7505

Favorite

By NightHawk4926 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24254

You deserved it

1730

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47167

You deserved it

3205

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend turned into a 5 hour ordeal involving a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit and a ruined canoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15829

You deserved it

1362

Favorite

By Earplugged - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30580

You deserved it

2142

Favorite

By doglover - United States

Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52037

You deserved it

4742

Favorite

By toothbreaker

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1430

You deserved it

240

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/12/2020 13:58

Chuds

Today, at my retail job, I was trying to get a large amount of cardboard to the trash and had a short path to maneuver through displays and customers. As I'm coming down the aisle, a customer sees me and stops to look at a coffee cup display, directly in my path. FML

I agree, your life sucks

707

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mascotte

Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor even if you have a c-section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21505

You deserved it

1782

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32705

You deserved it

6852

Favorite

By That Person - Australia - Coolbellup

Today, I missed out on my first cooking lesson because I was an hour late. I cannot go to the rest of them because if you don't attend the first class then you are not allowed to attend the rest. I just spent $70 on a cooking course that I won't be able to attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9205

You deserved it

11898

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16372

You deserved it

34766

Favorite

By so so old now - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. After lighting sparklers on the cake and singing happy birthday, we all enjoyed a few moments of sparkly, happy fun time. Then the building's fire alarm tripped and over 200 people had to be evacuated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35307

You deserved it

4458

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41836

You deserved it

6331

Favorite

By fianceeless - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46517

You deserved it

3903

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29726

You deserved it

2244

Favorite

Lost again

Today, the boy I like, came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2684

You deserved it

161

Favorite

By Anonymous

Alone

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1946

You deserved it

284

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Toms River

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61947

You deserved it

3939

Favorite

By rmonk - United States - Naperville

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11664

You deserved it

22788

Favorite

By Bob - United States

Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46487

You deserved it

8428

Favorite

By yep, she does have a tumblr - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl called me a racist, stereotyping asshole. All I did was ask a kid who happens to be Asian to tutor me in math. Which I didn't do just because he's Asian, but rather because he's in college and is actually a brilliant mathematician. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30399

You deserved it

2105

Favorite

By Brett

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5011

You deserved it

399

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

653

You deserved it

2467

Favorite

By crazyk2468 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26650

You deserved it

2562

Favorite

By chipmunk - United States

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39599

You deserved it

7642

Favorite

By The_Rest_of_the_Story - United States - Effingham

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42006

You deserved it

11354

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By loveyouall81 | 2

#2115287 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:04

noob

By mintcar | 9

#2115297 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:08

Ew, be gentle. You're not supposed to go at it like that.

COMMENTS

By loveyouall81 | 2

#2115287 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:04

noob

Horde | 8

#2115335 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:22

He probably learned that from porn movies.

BayBeezy | 0

#2115383 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 17:03

someone should make a pussy-eating informational....

neftajr | 0

#2115384 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 17:03

munch munch

seanders | 10

#2115421 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 17:32

Tell her to explain the sour cream then....

nocanhaz | 4

#2115453 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 17:49

54 Win

techweed | 12

#2115494 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 18:08

37 would kinda be disturbing when watching it with parents and/or younger kids

supertacowaffle | 41

#2115603 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 18:45

54 EPIC !!;D

omfgTACOsYeSs | 0

#2115692 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 19:01

it is a taco eating competition. :)

wolve86 | 0

#2116003 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 20:46

just go through the alphabet with your tongue a couple of times. don't be the fricking cookie monster about it.

irondarkdog | 0

#2116198 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 22:08

win

grumpybarista | 0

#2116660 - Thursday 24 February 2011 2:28

The alphabet? So amateur.

EatnBeef | 7

#2116693 - Thursday 24 February 2011 2:41

blue waffle? or red pancake?!?!!! oh wait!... green FRENCHTOAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dinkledorf | 0

#2116701 - Thursday 24 February 2011 2:46

No... give up.

sweeetas | 5

#2117981 - Thursday 24 February 2011 12:48

135- its more like cheese taco, everyone go google image that now and thank me later. hah

supertacowaffle | 41

#2128385 - Sunday 27 February 2011 12:59

haha 91 :D

AceArctic | 4

#2291206 - Monday 4 April 2011 6:55

Sigh. Shoulda used the Tongue Tornado... -.-

TheKeatonator | 5

#3056958 - Sunday 7 August 2011 11:00

Nom nom nom xD haha what a noob

By cdatribe23 | 0

#2115288 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:05

HAHAHAHA LMAO

RedPillSucks | 31

#2115505 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 18:12

ohhh Do eating indian tacos count?

gamerhead | 3

#2116009 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 20:51

66 Possibly........

iTerrorized | 4

#2117053 - Thursday 24 February 2011 5:28

As long as they got no beans in them ..

ctbabyy | 0

#2125705 - Saturday 26 February 2011 17:02

Hahah, win for your girll. i would SO say that..

Socoollikee | 3

#2126741 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:29

LMFAO!! I know right!

By lazer_keyboard | 0

#2115291 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:06

... What?

breena25 | 0

#2116574 - Thursday 24 February 2011 1:56

NOM NOM NOM NOM!!

metal8214 | 0

#2116726 - Thursday 24 February 2011 3:03

mmm yummy :)

goaliemkl123 | 8

#2118289 - Thursday 24 February 2011 15:45

I guess lazer keyboard doesn't get out much

gabstahhh | 8

#2460862 - Thursday 5 May 2011 1:51

he needs to chill ooouuutt.

By hoodsie | 0

#2115292 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:06

First timer? ;)

By MasterE56 | 4

#2115293 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:07

wow...

By Lufferkinz | 0

#2115295 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:07

I wonder what blue tacos would taste like.....

jmac317 | 0

#2115304 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:11

win^

pablothepenguin | 2

#2115366 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:44

L.M.A.O. why don't you ask his girlfriend she seems to be quite intrested in tacos.

SuperBigJrBang | 4

#2115486 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 17:59

:o a blueberry waffle! Makes me hungry

Slinkydalatg | 6

#2115723 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 19:06

....twat waffle.

africanelephants | 7

#2117552 - Thursday 24 February 2011 8:34

hahaha oh wow that's gross..... but delicious at the same time.. :/

Aethereality | 10

#2121670 - Friday 25 February 2011 6:52

Om nom nom.

PvtParts417 | 15

#5150844 - Thursday 15 November 2012 1:42

Blue waffle is for pussys. Look up red pancake.

By mintcar | 9

#2115297 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:08

Ew, be gentle. You're not supposed to go at it like that.

yazmi_09 | 3

#2115954 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 20:27

right! I cringed a bit when I read this

IStoleTheCookies | 16

#2116409 - Thursday 24 February 2011 0:18

are you a nun o_O

meowmeowwkitty | 0

#2121725 - Friday 25 February 2011 7:20

unless she wanted it rough...
which it sounds like wasn't the case, and niether for you....
don't give advice when everyone has their own style

By Bananaque | 0

#2115299 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:08

wow!! well, you can't blame the girl... she knows what she wants!

meowmeowwkitty | 0

#2121730 - Friday 25 February 2011 7:21

good for her!!! ;)

By Capt_Oblivious | 10

#2115300 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:10

Ah yes, I remember my first time as well.

Deitsu | 1

#2116818 - Thursday 24 February 2011 3:46

Your pic makes me ROTFL xD

kotabones | 0

#4029911 - Monday 13 February 2012 17:24

I prefer captain obvious as my personal hero lil

By denlillakotten | 4

#2115303 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:10

Yo girlfriend taste like taco? :)

mandoalba | 5

#2115521 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 18:18

lol that's a good one

gabstahhh | 8

#2460877 - Thursday 5 May 2011 1:53

eww haha I hope not..

piehunter1 | 0

#3020883 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 9:13

I love tacos I would hope she tastes like tacos :D