Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML
Today, at work as a cashier, a guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said, "Oh shit, I forgot my wallet!" and walked off. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML
Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year-old boy asked me, "What do you do when you really want something?" I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
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Top comments
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Well make sure u dont save his life if he ever needs the help...
Il_Maestro 6
What a waste of soda
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Comments (71)
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Well make sure u dont save his life if he ever needs the help...
gracehi 33
Don't **** with the people who handle your food and DEFINITELY don't **** with the people responsible for your life.
Futacy 30
well, at least he lost his soda.
Futacy 30
what flavor was it?
truth_spitta 0
Maybe it was baking soda ^.^ bahaha
gntfmlingnow 12
How is one supposed to enforce rules at the pool if they can't leave the stand? That makes no sense, ask your boss about being allowed to get down and actually enforcing those rules
FMLshark 12
I had a soda baked lifeguard once. Not as good as you'd expect.
Meettitan 14
47- what do you suggest he do to the teenager to enforce the rules? He'll get kicked out eventually but it's not the lifeguards job to get distracted from his JOB and yell at asshole teens.
gntfmlingnow 12
55 - while I understand that keeping watch over the pool is - and most definitely should be - the most important thing, most pools I go to don't have anyone else watching to kick out those people, and more often than not the same assholes cause tons of problems. So being able to ask people to leave the area, especially after they showed that they have no respect for those who are keeping people safe, would make sense to me.
Meettitan 14
71- unless he's being paid to be a bouncer too, then that's not his job. I understand that most pools are understaffed, and it is a shame that the kid wasn't kicked out immediately, but like I said the lifeguard needs to do his job. **** his life for not being able to wash off though.
dance531 3
I like pie.
XxDevilxXGt 26
I think OP could be new at lifeguarding, because I was a lifeguard before and if someone at a pool throws something at you or violates the rules in some way when you're on duty then the lifeguard can ban the person from the pool completely.. Or tell your boss and the boss will ban them. Banhammer!
NuTrees 9
47- yelling at yahoos would distract him from the pool. He should have a Wally talkie to tell some one to get that boy and bring him a wet towel.
iwojima1945 2
every pool that i have worked at, it has been their job. as a life guard you job is not just to save the occasional kid that thinks they can swim but cant, but also to enforce the rules of the pool and keep it a safe environment, running is usually always listed as a violation of pools rules, so the "life"guard was infact doing their job, but was unable to execute to the full extent of their ability.
Il_Maestro 6
What a waste of soda
SqueakyChipmunk 22
At least the ladies will be all over you. Us ladies love soda flavored lifeguard.
xoconnie 8
Well, he could have thrown much worse.. urine, diahrrea, guts, slime....think about it man, be happy it was only soda.
mannykatany 9
There are starving children in africa.!
DespairFaction 11
To bad the I'm rubber your glue saying only applies to words and not soda.
hunterluv1 20
Too* youre*
mightyjoe123 0
you're*
hunterluv1 20
142 - ok. I give you that one haha :)
DespairFaction 11
I was in a rush I was almost finished taking a crap. Eyyy take it easy huh.
MizzKilljoy69 11
Nothing like having a soda tan..
alexup24 13
Seems refreshing
doctorhook86 25
Chicken marinated in soda is pretty damn good. I'm just sayin'.
reallytho3 11
Let's eat!
LO388 7
So are steak tips marinated in coke and a little brown sugar! Sounds weird, but give it a try!
iceman420son 7
Beer can chicken is even better
DespairFaction 11
Brown sugar works great in marinades.
Gubbon 17
is it though?
MTaco 6
Should of acted like you liked it, then he would of been pissed he wasted his soda.
KBeatz 5
Mmm! My favorite! *Starts licking self*
TheMathMajor 26
*have
DocBastard 40
I always thought baking soda was good for burns.
speshlk37 13
Okay, that's pretty funny.
ArrickMorris 4
FYI for any burn, except a sunburn, you shouldn't put any kind of ointment or cream especially not a powder on it.
DocBastard 40
Arrick, there are two problems with your comment: 1) My comment was a joke 2) Every burn should have something put on it EXCEPT first degree. Second degree burns, especially deep ones, should have an antibiotic cream applied daily. First degree burns (including sunburns) don't need anything. Aloe or lidocaine gel will help it feel better, but it will not help it heal better or faster. Please don't argue with me on this, because I personally guarantee you will lose.
speshlk37 13
3) DocBastard is actually a doctor
kamikrazy 6
4) I want to go to medical school.
KiddNYC1O 22
5) It's the Internet! Yeah, baby!
KeyboardWarrior 10
ALL ABOARD THE BANDWAGON!
Jaxx66 21
113, where's the ticket booth for said Bandwagon?
kirra16 5
127, walmart. Everything is at walmart.
RandomComments 6
I'd be interested to see DocBastard have a comment war against another doctor on FML.
SarahBearrra 4
Well atleast you tasted good?
Amethyst888 14
"Yes of course he tasted amazing, the soda was a nice flavorful touch!" said the millions of cannibals lined up to taste test the life guards.
ALpein 0
Shia Lebeouf agrees.
tennisrapper1 14
Sucks for you since it would look too ridiculous to lick the delicious soda off of yourself.
kitkat2014 6
Make his life miserable when you go on break xD
kitkat2014 6
I wouldn't want a job where I get pop thrown on me anyways. Immature kids need to be taught a lesson the old fashioned way.
kickuwithmyfist 1
41-hell yeah! Kick his ass, sea bass!!!=D
peachyFML 17
Some people can't be picky as to what their job is.
kitkat2014 6
96- He's a lifeguard lol That's definitely his choice considering all the training and certification he has to acquire to be one.
unknown_user5566 27
99- Your comment contradicts your original statement. Considering OP had to go above and beyond a high school diploma and standard interview to get his job, I think it's safe to assume he doesn't want to risk losing it over some bratty teenager.
kitkat2014 6
159- you don't have to go above and beyond a high school diploma to be a lifeguard!!!! Bahahaha!!!!! My friend is 16 years old and he's a certified lifeguard at a public pool. Maybe you should learn some facts before you open your mouth ;)
unknown_user5566 27
I should've said and/or when referencing the high school diploma and standard job interview. My point, which very obviously went over your head, is that typically one needs to undergo training, certifications, etc that would not be required at a "normal" job to obtain a lifeguard position. Therefore you should be able to safely assume that OP will not want to throw his job out the window because of some kid.
dude1122332 9
Haha at lease it was soda and not pee.
KiddNYC1O 22
It wasn't pee, though. Soda gets extremely sticky.
dude1122332 9
I didn't say it was pee. I said it was better soda, rather than pee.
OMFGLOLWTF 0
Atleast*
mk58 31
61: At least** If you're going to be a grammar nazi on a typo, at least have the decency to do it right. You're giving the rest of us a bad name!
BandWagonGuy 8
A bad name??? Bahaha you guys are called frickin' grammar nazis.
dude1122332 9
I'm sorry it was an autocorrection, calm your **** people, you knew what I meant so shut up. Don't like it? Get the **** out. Thank you.