Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML
Today, at work as a cashier, a guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said, "Oh shit, I forgot my wallet!" and walked off. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML
Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year-old boy asked me, "What do you do when you really want something?" I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
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Top comments
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Well make sure u dont save his life if he ever needs the help...
Il_Maestro 6
What a waste of soda
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Comments (71)
theneatoburrito 8
Next time you see that kid running, throw a 12-pack at his head. That should solve your problems. Oh, and sorry OP, that must've sucked. FYL.
strike2867 13
That kid now knows this guy can't do anything if the kid throws shit at him, agitating the kid would only makes matters worse.
gracehi 33
Soda baked lifeguard...mmmmm...sounds delicious. :P
MsConfusedd 27
Maybe it's good for your skin?
ManInTheMachine 20
Definitely. That high fructose corn syrup really opens up those pores.
theneatoburrito 8
Oh and if that were me lifeguarding, I wouldn't be breaking the rules by jumping down. When I'd be finished with him, there WOULD be an emergency.
Hockeyboy4280 18
We got a bad ass over here
OMFGLOLWTF 0
You two are brothers? Lol,
Hockeyboy4280 18
62- How'd you know?
theneatoburrito 8
Whoa, Hockeyboy4280...that name makes you seem SO badass.
Hockeyboy4280 18
Really? I was trying to convey that I was a hockey player, not a badass.
KiddNYC1O 22
79- Great comeback, man.
ergo_fml 13
Two guys with bathroom mirror shots and emo haircuts... Keep arguing, but neither of you are "badass."
Hockeyboy4280 18
93- if you hadn't of notice, which from what I can tell, you didn't notice, I was actually denying that I'm a badass. And my haircut is just a haircut, why must everything have a label put on it these days?
theneatoburrito 8
Okay "hockeyboy", when you're putting someone else down for not being a "badass", that usually implies that you think you're better, in this case, more of a badass. And 93- how is my haircut emo? Nice try though.
Hockeyboy4280 18
Dude, I'm kidding. No need to get our panties in a bunch... it's FML, a place of joking with and about each other.
theneatoburrito 8
Exactly, but you can't make fun of someone for not being a "badass" when you even claim you aren't one, joking or not. That makes no sense.
Hockeyboy4280 18
I wasn't saying that you weren't, I was making a sarcastic joke. Let's not read too deep into it... Take it at face value, it was a joke, that's all.
downtime 13
112, That is some horrendous logic you have there. I have no idea how you thought up that nonsense. See heres the thing, if your name was Edward and you were going around everywhere telling everyone you're a vampire, and I saw you stand out in sunlight glittering like a fairy, I would insult you for being a giant douche and lying about being a vampire. This would not suddenly suggest I'm a vampire myself, it would suggest I am able to objectively identify that someone is full of crap. Dumbass.
theneatoburrito 8
134- I see the point you're trying to make, but you might want to reread the comments. It's not like he was just pointing out I'm not a badass (which I don't try to be), he was actually putting me down for not being a badass (which again, I'm not). Then he later admitted HE wasn't a "badass". So instead of your example, it was more like this: Let's say I didn't make the varsity team in a sport or something. It would be like him making fun of me for not making varsity, when he didn't make varsity either.
Hockeyboy4280 18
Name one time where I put you as a person, down. You took my zing wayyyyyy outta context. The only thing I said was "we got a badass over here". That says nothing about your toughness or you as a person. You made a tough guy comment, I made a joke-y reply. Don't take it so personal, just laugh, call me a dick, and move on.
Hockeyboy4280 18
The only one who insulted you here, was Ergo (not like being Emo is bad) but she spun it in such a way that made us sound like ******* in a sense. I'm a sensitive guy, but I don't even get near this offended. Sounds like you misunderstood or misread my joke. Sorry if you took it offensive, as this was not my intention. Just guys being guys.
aKaClickZ 4
Who gives a ****!
Hockeyboy4280 18
Well, I myself give a **** for starters. And it would appear that "theneatoburrito" also gives a ****. A few more People chimed in on this thread, so they may give some *****. Hope I answered your question.
aKaClickZ 4
That's great. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
br0ccoli 15
Mmmm soda-flavored lifeguard. Wish I was a pool shark.
dude1122332 9
Childhood movies right?(:
br0ccoli 15
21- your comment makes me wish I didn't delete the last part of my comment. I love Sandlot and that fake drowning/kissing scene always sticks out in my mind.
dude1122332 9
Awwh why'd you delete it?
downtime 13
26, Who even remembers the Sandlot these days. You're such an L 7 weenie.
br0ccoli 15
30- I dunno 135- it's sad that some people on this thread won't understand references from good movies with a good plot, sans the ADD inducing CGI. What happened to movies like that? There was such a refreshing innocence in that movie. Ah, I love Sandlot. Call me an L7 weenie all you want :D Let's go play ball with this Babe Ruth autographed baseball and see what shenanigans we get into.
downtime 13
162, Since I was a child when it came out I can only really hypothesise on the answer to that, which I THINK would be that while we remember the great movies from that era there were probably just as many forgettable ones. There are decent movies that come out now, despite the current technology, and in the same way as before we get caught up in what we are exposed to at the time. So I'm guessing in about 20 years people will look back and say "back then they got the balance of CG movies right, now they just sacrifice the story and its ALL CG, things should go back to how they were in the 00's." Something tells me your question was rhetorical. And who the hell is Babe Ruth?! :P
br0ccoli 15
Hm, maybe you're right. I guess it was just a different time and the cycle will continue. Babe Ruth?! The Great Bambino! Yeah let's go play ball by that fence over there :P
dude1122332 9
Haha I don't care it was a good movie. Sure there are some good and bad movies, but sandlot was a classic.
downtime 13
Ohhh the great BAMBINO...I thought you said the...uh...the great Bambi.
Futacy 30
...
nofearjenshere 12
Seriously, what's the point of wasting a perfectly good comment on "..." ?
PYLrulz 17
I'd consider whipping the kids ass a good enough emergency
wironandine 8
Hahahahaha I would have been so mad omg
theneatoburrito 8
Thank you for that truly insightful comment.
Hockeyboy4280 18
no problem
theneatoburrito 8
Good one...?
SupaHotFire 4
U could have said you were allergic to soda haha
MCRaddict15 15
That wouldn't have stopped the kid from throwing the soda. Obviously he didn't care in the first place.
shaza575 9
When I read the comment I thought 27 meant that if the OP had said that they were allergic to soda it would have been an emergency and they could have gotten down from the stand and washed the soda off. I could be wrong but if that's the case then it's not really a bad suggestion.
Arile 5
I would have told someone to push him in so i would have an excuse to jump in