Intimacy: Sounds nice - FML

Sounds nice

By sugarbeet - 04/12/2011 01:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 211

You deserved it 3 945

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 814

You deserved it 2 778

By oliverP123 - 22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 440

You deserved it 4 231

By Erik Aleckson - 05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 772

You deserved it 6 012

By lalala_hahaha - 23/09/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 935

You deserved it 3 065

Hard task

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 276

You deserved it 2 566

Make it stop

By firstandlastjob - 13/06/2020 14:11

Spicy

Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 500

You deserved it 5 851

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 06:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 683

You deserved it 3 668

Alpha male behavior

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/06/2009 00:32 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 201

You deserved it 6 612

Next

Top comments

MsSoulReaper 27

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:17

Just go with it, poor man has no legs and he's drinking his sorrows away :/

sskarma23 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:18

Hey it's the fisherman dude from family guy!

Comments

aFreedom127 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 10:49

Hey I love nipples too.

osnapitzjp 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 11:04

Who doesn't?

aFreedom127 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 11:40

Guys with legs apparently.

lanekight 0

Friday 23 December 2011 7:04

[email protected] hmu!

redmnky21 8

Sunday 4 December 2011 12:01

what are u a cripple and nipple hater?

carobug 6

Sunday 4 December 2011 12:10

I don't see the significance of mentioning that he didn't have both legs. It doesn't seem to contribute to the FML, in my opinion. Just so people know, I don't feel bad for the man. If I were to meet this man, I might strike up a conversation, but I would avoid talking about his legs, because he is a person like anybody else. Unless if he is a sad drunkard, then I would pity him.

metallicshadow 16

Sunday 4 December 2011 13:19

you're a bartender, what do you expect?

leadman1989 15

Sunday 4 December 2011 13:24

You should be glad you still have yours his legs and nipples were blown off in nam!

KK3137 31

Sunday 4 December 2011 14:10

Sounds like Lt. Dan from Forrest Gump

perdix 29

Sunday 4 December 2011 15:26

If loving nipples is wrong, I don't want to be right. If the amount he drinks is proportional to the amount he should tip you, I don't see the problems in hearing some thoughts about beautiful, tasty nipples. Sadly, without legs, he became drunker, faster on fewer drinks. May your next nipple poet be an obese man with all his limbs and a high tolerance for alcohol.

momo1972 3

Sunday 4 December 2011 15:35

You don't share his passion?

Mackenzie99 6

Sunday 4 December 2011 15:50

Well that's part of the job aha must have been amusing :$ aha

Joey44 15

Sunday 4 December 2011 16:08

Mmm, I just love how you felt that putting he had no legs would add to how "grotesque" the situation was, you idiotic pig dog.

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The Top

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 765

You deserved it 10 103

Today, it's been a week since my mother died. She had no life insurance and was over $20,000 in debt, plus her hospital/funeral bills. My father wants nothing to do with me as she was a one night stand and he never paid child support. I'm behind on rent and bills because I'm injured from work. Thanks for nothing, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 143

The Top

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 526

You deserved it 16 190

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show, and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half-naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 021

You deserved it 3 399

Today, somewhere between home and work, my glasses vanished off my face. I know I had them on before I set off because I cleaned them in the car and put them on, then halfway to work I suddenly had to squint to see because glasses gone. I’ve been searching for an hour, they are nowhere. HOW? FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 146

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 753

You deserved it 44 667

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 264

You deserved it 2 792

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 441

You deserved it 3 683