Intimacy: Sounds nice

Sounds nice

By sugarbeet - 04/12/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 211

You deserved it 3 945

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 814

You deserved it 2 778

By oliverP123 - 22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 440

You deserved it 4 231

By Erik Aleckson - 05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 772

You deserved it 6 012

By lalala_hahaha - 23/09/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 935

You deserved it 3 065

Hard task

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 276

You deserved it 2 566

Make it stop

By firstandlastjob - 13/06/2020 14:11

Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 500

You deserved it 5 851

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 06:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 683

You deserved it 3 668

Alpha male behavior

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/06/2009 00:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 201

You deserved it 6 612

MsSoulReaper 27

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:17

Just go with it, poor man has no legs and he's drinking his sorrows away :/

sskarma23 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:18

Hey it's the fisherman dude from family guy!

Comments

ajjucool 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 21:13

he is physically challenged.. hope you did go with the flow..

rceckspurt13 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 21:16

Lieutenant Dan!

billys56 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 21:44

Leiutanant Dan!!!

thatnucca 36

Sunday 4 December 2011 21:47

He talks the talk, but can he walk the walk though?

kevviii 5

Monday 5 December 2011 0:46

Lieutenant Dan!

lilpowers 3

Monday 5 December 2011 1:49

What kinda bar do you work at? A strip bar?

thisguy1424 0

Monday 5 December 2011 2:45

Hey chill now he's probably a veteran

CharlesPieczonka 0

Monday 5 December 2011 3:53

Penguinz0 would be proud.

spackles_1919 6

Monday 5 December 2011 5:16

Love a cripple, show some nipple!

Feedmyaddiction5 14

Monday 5 December 2011 7:10

How is that an fml? I would love to talk to that man all day

Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Relatable Abuse Birthday Scams Social Media Money Kids School Education Parents Public freakouts Health Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Transportation Cops Fight Family Customers Work Gross

The Top

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 338

You deserved it 15 971

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 654

The Top

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 370

You deserved it 11 450

Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 106

You deserved it 375

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 83

Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 035

You deserved it 1 624

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 629

You deserved it 3 508

Today, I've come to the conclusion that the best way to remember when my wife of 17 years and I last got intimate was to remember which American president was in power at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 192