Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML
Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML
Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML
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Top comments
Sunkistlover718 21
Hey, at least the kid's got it down.
Fsvb 32
A toilet lock? As in, a lock on the toilet? I have never heard of this.
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Comments (156)
misspulkadot24 17
Baby Mama style next time. Pee in the sink.
daniel_dd31 13
... or the tub, or outiside.
Nomadic1 20
..or just go on the floor and blame it on the kid ;)
daniel_dd31 13
Easily one of my favourite fml's. I think it's safe to say that if you can't get it in the potty then you will lose your job.
taranpreet 7
What's with all the, "there's the sink and the shower" comments like everyone thinks that fast when they're bursting. She probably fumbled with the toilet then peed her pants. She didn't have time to scan the area for other options. That sucks though OP.
Cartera 10
Actually; wouldn't it make you more open to certain places like the shower or bathtub? If the toilets not working, clogged, etc., I usually turn the water on in the shower and just pee down the drain. That's just what I would do, and I think it's a better place than the bathtub or sink.
countryrose92 23
JThen it's her fault for waiting so long to go. Just sayin.
kieralumina 30
it might just be me, but when you really have to go, if you don't get the toilet open within the first 2 tries, use the tub and rinse it out. I don't see how its difficult to see that as a possible option
Ameel_fml 19
I've been bursting to pee before, and I've never pissed myself. Most people can usually hold on long enough to at least reach the shower or a bush outside or something. Or...y'know...go to the toilet before you reach the about-to-piss-my-pants-in-someone-else's-house stage.
Sodapop40 21
Trust me, you can move freaking fast when you're bursting.
BurningGrannies 16
Tell them the kid peed your pants!
HaneenDixon 16
You probably meant this as a joke or something but that's just plain mean! That's an innocent kid, c'mon! =(
Nomadic1 20
Miss Dixon, You must not be a parent...lol. Parents blame horrible things on kids all the time, of course that does not work as much once the kids can talk :p
anythingmustbe 18
Toilet lock? Must be some fancy rich person thing idiots buy.
DocBastard 40
Or it could be some useful thing that normal parents buy to prevent their kids from drowning in the toilet. What were you saying about idiots?
Cartera 10
Personally, I bought my toilet lock to keep those ******* gators from getting out of my toilet and tearing shit up.
jamjam12 15
Oh yeah, only rich idiots would buy something so their baby doesn't drown, You've obviously never had children...
anythingmustbe 18
Damn stupid auto-correct....
gummybear1996 13
Are they really there to keep kids from drowning? I've never heard of a kid drowning in a toilet. I thought they were to stop kids from playing with them or flushing things like keys or whatever they can get their hands on
iammeorami 25
how is this related to this FML? anyone with same thoughts?
DocBastard 40
Gummybear - It's definitely not as common as playing in the water, but there are many reports of young children, usually under 3 years old, who fall head-first into a toilet and drown.
outoftown 27
50 - Yup, toddlers can and do drown in the toilet; they're top-heavy and don't have the strength to pull themselves out. Toilet locks are also used to keep clever dogs from nosing the seat up and drinking.
ComoEsJuan 24
It's always better to be pissed off than pissed on..shoulda picked the sink.
gracehi 33
You'd think the child would be more empathetic.
paintedchocolate 30
C'mon, everbody knows kids can be needlessly cruel.
gracehi 33
I was making a joke about how it can't have been too long since the kid pissed his own pants... But I can see now that my meaning was pretty subtle.
akiahara 14
At least someone gets it. Go, kid.
zeck27 4
Why the heck didn't you pee in the bathtub?.... All you would have to do is turn the shower on to rinse it down and why didn't you lock the door?
kaymi 17
It's potty time, I can't hold it, I can't hold it, I can't hold it...potty, potty, potty, POTTY!