Miscellaneous: Smooth

Smooth

By eayers2689 - 30/05/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 620

You deserved it 59 146

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Same thing different taste

By bleeding - 06/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 6 596

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 731

You deserved it 3 425

By davincourt - 29/04/2012 18:31 - United States - Apollo Beach

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 254

You deserved it 2 998

By lalanon - 03/04/2009 05:16 - Australia

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186 945

You deserved it 33 450

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 374

You deserved it 2 565

Big tasty

By reisz618 - 31/05/2019 07:00

Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 594

By CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 938

You deserved it 24 617

Tasty snack ideas

By Stellarum - 18/08/2014 15:13 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 622

You deserved it 4 228

By justmyluck? - 18/02/2011 03:02

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 093

You deserved it 7 784

By pickit - 25/02/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 20 823

Katers22 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:35

I would slap you if you licked your finger then touched me. YDI, for way intruding a thing called personal space.

jillz 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:35

Did you actually put your spit on her face? F Her L

Comments

likeduhhx4 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 7:39

that's ******* sick.

Whaddabe 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 7:40

Well that sucks.... She didn't go for the old "licking your finger and tenderly touching her" move?

thepunisher_fml 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 7:42

honest mistake ill give u that but couldnt u have gotten a napkin instead??

mishel 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 8:03

ew.. how could you mistake bbq sauce for a scab..

lawlkat 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 8:07

What? A Pimple for BBQ? Sir, GTFO out of my board.

DarkMirror 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 8:33

Well...ew...I mean it was just a mistake, but still...ew...

xabuko 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 8:49

Damn mate...touch luck!!!

ttech10 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 9:14

Hey you got some BBQ sauce on your cheek. You know what would be better? SALIVA!

erroneousx2 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 9:17

I LOL'ed at number one. Made my day aha. But, that's pretty nasty. :P

Jareth_fml 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 9:57

Why would you think your spit would make a good cleaning agent?

holagranola 15

Saturday 5 January 2013 22:51

It would make more sense to just tell her there was something on her face.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, it's now exactly one year until I turn 30 and I’ve never been with a woman before. I know that it’s over for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 202

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 778

You deserved it 9 447

The Top

Today, I was babysitting my neighbour's six hamsters. My cat got in the room and opened the cage. I came home to no hamsters in sight and a very satisfied looking cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 638

Today, as always, I'm not allowed to like anything, be it a food, type of music, TV show, book, video game, or even a color, without my parents asking me to explain why I like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 104

Today, I was chewed out by my boss for reporting someone not wearing a mask in our store, because, "no one likes a snitch." I'm the security guard. It's my job to report that to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 150

Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 765

You deserved it 4 943

Today, my soon-to-be ex doesn’t understand why I get so pissed that he has to consult his ex-wife over every little thing we do, including needing her blessing for us to get engaged. It’s none of her damn business, yet he insists he’s merely trying to not hurt her feelings. Fuck him and her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 898

You deserved it 246

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 523

You deserved it 21 730

Smooth

Same thing different taste

Big tasty

Tasty snack ideas

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