Diets

No pain, no gain

By Anonymous - 12/05/2022 06:00 - Australia

Today, it's been a week since I got a gastric balloon to help me lose weight. On the plus side, I've lost 5kg. On the downside, it's been one week of vomiting, diarrhea, not being able to eat solid food, and stomach cramps so painful that it feels like I'm constantly being stabbed. 15 weeks to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 227

It's called getting old

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 00:01

Today, and since the pandemic started, I have gained back 80 of the 150lbs I painstakingly lost via diet and exercise in the 5 years leading up to the pandemic. Despite trying multiple methods that worked before and some new ones, I cannot seem to stop the weight from piling on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 169

I promise

By Numnum - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 57 912

Sabotage!

By I choose health - 11/04/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted to purposely sabotaging all my weight loss efforts. When I confronted him, he said it’s because he doesn’t want me to get thin and turn into one of those stuck up, snobby, mean girl types that wouldn’t date him in high school. We’re in our 30s dude, get over it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 114

Paranoid android

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 10:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I hit my target weight for the first time since high school. As a result, my girlfriend refuses to hook up with me, because her slutty cousins are now too interested in me, and she assumes I'm leading them on. I've never met them in person, because they live in Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 161

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 23:01

Today, just like every morning, I had to make myself throw up all the acid in my stomach just to make room for a little bit of food. No doctor can fix my problem, and my family still thinks I’m doing it to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 90

Whackos

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 20:01

Today, after undergoing a rigorous diet and exercise program, I was proud of losing 65 lbs in 3 months. When my favorite client saw me gleaming from my results, she loudly exclaimed that, “all life is sacred.” She assumed I'd had an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 86

But… What about my Cranberry sauce?

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 17:01

Today, I found out my family's Thanksgiving was canceled. Why? Because my mom doesn't want to cheat on her diet, so we aren't having it at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 110

NParents represent!

By Familyvisits - 31/08/2021 08:01 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my parents have been whining about me spending a weekend there, so I did. I have severe IBS and sent them the list of foods I can eat 2 weeks ago when I told them I was coming. They had no food in the house that I could eat without getting sick, and got offended when I didn’t eat or tried to buy my own food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 92

Healthy mind in a healthy body

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 12:59 - Brazil - Niter?i

Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 157

Fuck your "beach body" noise

By that’s not how it works - 16/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 99

Pound for pound

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 104

Busted

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 08:00

Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 1 166

Overreacting a tad

By phonnah - 20/06/2012 17:59 - United States - Bowie

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 3 217

Nearly

Today, I was beaten up for being Russian and therefore “supporting the war.” I do not support the war in the Ukraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 32

Today, I called the Suicide Hotline. They greeted me by name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 38

Spicy

Today, my now-ex fiancée actually took another man’s penis out of her mouth and had the audacity to shout, “Babe, it’s not what it looks like!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 29

Today, my dad found out that there are others like him in this world. They're called furries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 63