Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
Today, my man got arrested for starting a fistfight with a cashier who wouldn't let him smuggle out groceries without paying. It gets worse; two weeks ago he got arrested mugging a guy at a gas station, and he's still on bail. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Imagirll 3
show them your drivers license..
ckyorelse 18
Hi! Billy Mays here with the all new Magic Age Reducer! born in 1979? Let's try 1992! With the all new Magic Age Reducer, you can get out of any warrant thrown your way!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (216)
TessaFaye 0
hahaha how freaking old do you look??
jude907 0
**** The Police.
michelle2s 0
just saying...I was born in 79 and for 32 i look damn good. so even if you were 8 when you committed said crime, you could still look.....nah....who am I kidding. that's awful!
nivekcizia123 0
hmm can anybody corroborate that alibi?
Dcmachead 0
congratulations! you have won the lottery!
baseballbeast12 0
That sucks!! Like what some people said, cops are dumb and retarded!
Mr_Plague 8
Calyx is dumb.
FLASHOOM 0
You must've been one badass sperm/egg cell
rjflores 0
time travel?
ellymac411 0
dangg