Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job,... - FML

By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 10:52 - United States

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

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By Username - 6/11/2010 17:58 - France

Today, at my cousin's baby shower, there was a discussion on what to name the baby. When the name Jacqueline was brought up, I made a face and exclaimed, "Ugh, I hate that name!" I was then informed that's the name of my cousin's mother-in-law. She definitely heard me. FML

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By Questions - 12/5/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

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By Bob - 20/6/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2013 09:17 - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

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By unemployed and bereaved - 25/11/2013 05:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I am just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

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By avoid the sour cream - 30/12/2013 06:14 - United States

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, after playing on the same basketball team for eight years with the same coach, he kicked me off the team to make room for my younger brother, who I taught to play basketball in the first place. FML

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By KenzFell - 5/6/2012 07:27 - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML

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By peevedMcGee - 23/11/2018 17:30

Today, my cat pooped on the floor. After cleaning it up, I’m fairly certain it was not my cat but instead my roommate, who I also suspect is pooping in the litter box. FML

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By convict possibly - 26/5/2017 18:00

Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML

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By ThirdWheelHell - 30/6/2016 06:07 - United States - Farmville

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

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By eliteslayer29 - 21/12/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2011 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML

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By anal4me - 5/4/2012 20:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

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By FreakinthePink - 6/12/2010 07:20

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2016 04:50

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML

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By J-Ro - 4/3/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

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By datgurllllukno - 15/10/2014 06:26 - United States

Food for thought

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

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By newly passed, newly grassed - 6/12/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

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By worldsbestjobgonebad - 19/10/2009 06:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

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By Bloop - 14/5/2016 00:58 - United States - Ayer

Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include MTV. This made us lose the only channel I care about: HBO. Goodbye Game of Thrones, hello Teen Mom. FML

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By Whoopsie - 25/7/2018 05:00

Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard she had a seizure and passed out. FML

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By GaymerLink - 12/8/2018 23:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not meeting my sales goals and is sending me to a two week training program. I don’t work in sales. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2018 00:00 - United States

Today, while having a break up fight with my fiancée, she informed me that the paternity of our unborn child was in question because one of the other guys couldn't remember if he got off or not. FML

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By Schmolly - 13/10/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I had a mental break down. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was "I think we were better off as friends." FML

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By skinsfan7592 - 8/2/2010 15:19 - United States

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

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By sockmonkey - 1/5/2012 02:21 - United States - Corona

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it's all over Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 20:11 - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

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By etsl - 26/10/2008 12:07 - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML

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By Lin - 2/3/2010 05:57 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I found out that a co-worker of mine that I had originally hired, trained, and mentored to work in my department for the past 4 years had just got the promotion that I had applied for. He is now my boss. FML

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By dazed and confused - 17/12/2013 01:50 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

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By jadakorn - 11/7/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2019 14:01

He's a very naughty boy

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

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By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2018 18:30

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2015 03:19 - United States - Seattle

Today, a while after finishing and uploading a task, I looked at my peers' work to make sure I hadn't missed anything in mine. One of them had gotten the same idea and had decided to incorporate part of my work into his. "Part" as in "all". "All" as in all of his work is also all of mine. FML

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By Jayne - 29/3/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

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Top comments

By Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#5503788 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:02

I think you might still get the job if you wear your birthday suit right ;-) but, seriously, I apologize for my kind. We can't help it; we love tug-of-war. FYL, OP!

By perdix | 29

#5503801 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:06

Show up naked!

There's a position that just opened up from some tight-ass who determined that flirty fun in the office was "sexual harassment." You'll get the job if you show them you are willing to "play ball."

Comments

By Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#5503788 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:02

I think you might still get the job if you wear your birthday suit right ;-) but, seriously, I apologize for my kind. We can't help it; we love tug-of-war. FYL, OP!

Reply

SirTalkaton | 22

#5503793 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:03

That depends on how good looking or well endowed OP is.

Reply

fareith | 15

#5504344 - Friday 24 May 2013 4:19

#2 - Thank youuu, Cap'n Obvious.

By SirTalkaton | 22

#5503797 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:04

Good luck OP! Remember, YOU make the clothes, the CLOTHES don't make you! Own any outfit you've got!

Reply

HOTSHOT99999 | 2

#5504150 - Friday 24 May 2013 0:48

Dont hate, appreciate!

By perdix | 29

#5503801 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:06

Show up naked!

There's a position that just opened up from some tight-ass who determined that flirty fun in the office was "sexual harassment." You'll get the job if you show them you are willing to "play ball."

Reply

Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#5503810 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:09

4 - There definitely is a position for a naked person and, depending on the boss's predilections, a tight ass might not be a con, if you know what I mean ;-)

Reply

mackdeezy | 21

#5503861 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:30

#4 more like "play with balls"

Reply

Weika | 5

#5503999 - Thursday 23 May 2013 20:55

That's the joke.

By Ambient25 | 24

#5503802 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:06

Just pick up the phone in front of the dog and call a Chinese buffet, telling them you have a "you know what" for their menu. That should scare your dog.

By GunSh0w | 4

#5503813 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:10

It's time for a new dream job if you couldn't get it after 3

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5503841 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:20

Actually, some companies have multiple interviews of candidates they're serious about hiring and who may be qualified for more than one position. OP should simply go with her next best clothing option. As someone else said, the person makes the outfit, not the otherway round.

By Horsempeg | 25

#5503816 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:11

That sucks OP! My dog does the same. They have to be trained better! Hopefully you had something even better to wear then what you picked out :)

By Jharrist89 | 12

#5503827 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:14

I doubt your suit would've made a lasting impression. You were obviously competing for your dream job.

By PulseShock | 9

#5503828 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:15

Atleast it wasn't chocolate and the dog died. You should know your dog by now and should leave clothes or anything he could "eat" away from him. Sorry but YDI

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MrClean17 | 15

#5503928 - Thursday 23 May 2013 20:07

Sometimes dogs randomly misbehave. We had a dog who was good for five years then suddenly started shitting in the house everyday for no reason.

I don't get why it's a FML though. It sucks losing the clothes but il sure there's another outfit OP can wear to the interview.

By zevo1415 | 10

#5503840 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:20

Well if it was one of those velvet hangers, you could wear that. Those are fancy

By olpally | 32

#5503843 - Thursday 23 May 2013 19:21

That's ruff. Damn you scooby doo! Stop meddling in other people's business!