Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
Today, I realised I’m allergic to sperm. I was a virgin until recently and my vagina always seemed to itch for days after sex, and I thought that might be normal, but then today I agreed to let my boyfriend facial me and within minutes I had a massive rash everywhere it touched my skin. FML
Today, I was rushed to the emergency room for severe facial rashes. My boyfriend and I then found out I'm allergic to seminal fluid. FML
Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML
Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML
Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML
Today, my girlfriend won't stop complaining about the recent lack of intimacy in our relationship. There's an easy solution to this problem, but I'm currently covered in poison ivy rashes and she refuses to let me touch her until they clear up. Guess I'd better get used to itching and whining. FML
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Top comments
leaannec30 18
This reminds me of the time my ex was pealing hot ghost peppers and we got frisky in the kitchen and he fingered me without washing his hands. Talk about flaming pussy. And blisters I feel your pain
MidnaLink 35
If you can find it, I recommend Penaten for the rash. It helped when I had a bad one on both pits, just use a good amount at a time. I'd see a doctor for the sores, though.
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Comments (26)
Etweens96 25
I would speak with your boyfriend about changing hand creams, I’m sure he’s willing to comply.
Notmymonkeysnotmycircus 16
Ok I’m gonna state the obvious question here: are you saying your boyfriend’s hands were around your butthole but didn’t go inside? I call shenanigans. Go ahead tell us the truth! Taco Bell doesn’t feel as bad as what you’re feeling right now am I right?
DampestAcorn7 6
maybe they used the hand cream as lube,
Notmymonkeysnotmycircus 16
That’s my suspicion! But no one likes to admit to being a back Dorothy
saberjpg 6
Your boyfriend is a genius. "No no no, sweetie, those sores are from an allergic reaction from my hand cream. I've been completely faithful, and I've not been having sex with anybody on Tinder. The doctor must be a pathological liar. We good?"
Kevin Kennedy 5
Try rinsing of his penis next time with a rag before he puts it in either of your holes
hpandher 16
If the cream were a metaphor for something else, then you would have had a FML of the year in your hands.
Moejj O'Raisin 1
uh, go to the DOCTOR!
Distantsoul666 6
herpes ...... you more than likely have herpes .... you might want to see a Dr lol
Oh-honey-no 3
That's not from hand cream... That's herpes.
Wintermelons 19
(Light headed)