Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML
Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML
Today, I woke up desperately needing to pee. I sat up in bed, naked, and tried to decide if I should get dressed, or run for it and hope no one saw me. I guess I took too long to decide, because as soon as I stood up to run, I pissed on the floor. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
I'm confused - are the white stripes on the back of your thighs where your legs touched the seat, or is that where the pee dripped down the backs of your le... Oh, **** it, it doesn't matter. You're an idiot regardless.
BelleIsa_fml 6
An orange toilet bowl... Well at least more original than the usual white ones
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Comments (155)
Rachel8843 6
Lol! That's funny & it sucks!
TheFirstSamurai 18
Striped toilets, sounds more interesting than plain old white toilets. I think you may have started a trend OP.
mannykiddo 3
Stripes make you go faster!
yeongji 31
How on earth did you manage to get pee on your thighs if you were using a toilet?
saidawhiting 14
What are you talking about? She didn't pee on her thighs. She has stripes on them because the spray-tan came off her legs and transferred onto the toilet seat.
TwitchingNebula 17
Wow 41...
rubberduckie94 13
it is a shame you did not have like a can of spray tan you could reapply to the white stripes
OfficeNinja 5
The only purpose spray tans provide is that they tell everybody else that the wearer is a douche, most likely (but by no means certainly) from New Jersey. Great if you want everybody to avoid going near you on a bus, but that is about it. Embrace your milky whiteness. It is who you are. Don't try to spray paint yourself orange.
nonnieluv 9
Do people really believe this load of shit? Most of the people on jersey shore are from New York. I am from New Jersey and I know about 20 people who spray ran and it is for special occasions.
OfficeNinja 5
And I live in another state with a larger population and I know exactly 0 people who spray tan for any reason. So your point is???
MissHayleyJames 7
Bodybuilders spray tan and most of them aren't douches or from Jersey.
OfficeNinja 5
Yes! Me too. I'm either "Viking white" or "sunburned red". There is no transition color. Well there is a transition, but it happens very fast and can only be achieved by slowing down time using SPF 45 sunblock.
breah123 2
I guess thats what you get for spray tanning yourself. Or not going pee first. d; just sain'
MissMae93 23
Leave this stuff to the professionals, that's my advice. Our spray booth can match any skin colour, plus it balances ph levels of the skin providing you with seamless, non-orange colour. I advise you to go out and buy an exfoliating wash, scrub all the gunk off you and high-tail it to your closest tanning salon. Next time: don't trust the drugstore brand. FYL & YDI.
Dogbite1313 5
That's why you go get a spry tan from a professional. I have before and they always look natural. The people who turn orange are using cheap product.
perdix 31
You ought to write "7 Nation Army" on the back of your leg and see who "gets" it.
Enslaved 38
The White Stripes! (: AKA one of the best stripping songs! Everyone should know it, from the Queen of England to the hounds of Hell.:O **If you're handing out cookies for getting it, I like those black and white ones! (not to confuse them with Oreos)
perdix 31
Black & White Cookie for you! I'll have to find you one that was better than the cakey monstrosity I had Sat. Night. Favorite stripping song: "Addicted to Love"