Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML
Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML
Today, I woke up desperately needing to pee. I sat up in bed, naked, and tried to decide if I should get dressed, or run for it and hope no one saw me. I guess I took too long to decide, because as soon as I stood up to run, I pissed on the floor. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
I'm confused - are the white stripes on the back of your thighs where your legs touched the seat, or is that where the pee dripped down the backs of your le... Oh, **** it, it doesn't matter. You're an idiot regardless.
BelleIsa_fml 6
An orange toilet bowl... Well at least more original than the usual white ones
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Comments (155)
vicky_reoow 1
didn't your mother ever teach you to go to the toilet and pee before doing stuff like that ?!
Pelreskovich 11
Go lay outside, I hear the snow in Canada reflects sun really well for that all-over tan!
candiicane 12
I don't understand tanning either. I'm one of the whitest people you'll ever meet (British and Scottish... I'm pretty white lol) dating an Indian guy, and when I suggested tanning for the summer he told me no way, it's ugly, and he loves my paleness... Go caspers!
DestinyDaye 0
Were you peeing standing up or something? If you sit down when you pee, this shouldn't be a problem.
fsamslife92 8
Are you serious? How would that be a problem if she stood up too pee but not if she sat down?
DJRhetorical 4
Snooki?!!
fsamslife92 8
It's harder for girls, but it is possible to stand (or at least squat!) while you pee.
cbear1991 8
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo i've got another puzzle for you!
groupleader 7
Ummmm there's some truth to that saying "stick it where the sun don't shine"...why would you spray tan your ass? Ydi
Sonfang 19
Wow you don't know how to pee? I don't get urine on the back of my thighs when I pee..
emba_fml 13
you're ridiculous. she sat down on the toilet seat. she did not piss on herself
CommanderBalls 10
shudve done the piss in the bottle move