Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML
Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML
Today, I woke up desperately needing to pee. I sat up in bed, naked, and tried to decide if I should get dressed, or run for it and hope no one saw me. I guess I took too long to decide, because as soon as I stood up to run, I pissed on the floor. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
I'm confused - are the white stripes on the back of your thighs where your legs touched the seat, or is that where the pee dripped down the backs of your le... Oh, **** it, it doesn't matter. You're an idiot regardless.
BelleIsa_fml 6
An orange toilet bowl... Well at least more original than the usual white ones
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Comments (155)
DocBastard 40
I'm confused - are the white stripes on the back of your thighs where your legs touched the seat, or is that where the pee dripped down the backs of your le... Oh, **** it, it doesn't matter. You're an idiot regardless.
scenechic 5
It's just that when she sat the tanning shit came off on the toilet seat and left her legs white.
jonriise18 3
117 - oooohhh... Really!? Thanks! PS - I think the doc was possibly, only possibly, joking.
Mama_Umbridge 8
The tiger is on the prowl
RaquelW 7
You should have hovered over the seat!
ycrem0n 21
That will be a new fashion
Ruffclue 9
thats the first thing that came to mind too lol.
trolodon 2
Must have been an oompa loompa on their period... LOL
Pandacupcakelove 26
How does that make sense...
MasterE56 4
He's probably 12..
The_Hitdude 12
55-Don'tClickOnMe i'd already using a pic of Brian Peppers, di you might want to change yours. I know you're free to do whatever, but if you two comment on the same thread, the question may arise. Heed my advi--Oh Shit! Here come the threadjacking police! Gotta go!
The_Hitdude 12
*is*so. Great, now here comes the Grammar Nazi patrol. You'll never get me you bastards! Not you, Doc!
Pandacupcakelove 26
#69 attention seeker much?
KILLERTOAST13 4
alright who's the ****** that put their mw3 gameplay photo as there pic
stegosauruspower 0
Note to self never spray tan then go pee............ Remeber this for the future
fadingfaith 4
Exactly what I was thinking!
deequu 20
You don't know how to squat? :/
ladyLALAA 29
Yeah, listen to Hilary Duff!
Birdie_Sage 0
You can color it in with an orange color pencil, since those look more natural than a marker.
mixmaster647 2
Ydi for spray tanning -.-
bingababe 16
Spray tanning doesn't cause cancer.