Intimacy: Peaked - FML

Peaked

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 137

You deserved it 11 640

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Same thing different taste

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 322

Like a virgin

By chchboy - 22/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 178

You deserved it 7 130

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 147

You deserved it 7 037

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 506

You deserved it 9 871

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 508

You deserved it 3 679

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 653

You deserved it 32 083

Quick thinking

By rolyat - 01/05/2012 16:41 - United States - Rochester

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 769

You deserved it 4 012

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 634

You deserved it 7 758

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 3 779

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 196

You deserved it 5 590

Next

Top comments

irishfever 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 1:48

not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her

kwbuzz23wk 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 1:48

sounds like a compliment

Comments

dansco 24

Thursday 17 February 2011 2:32

That small eh, oh well...

sammy259 3

Friday 25 February 2011 4:43

to small huh haha millimeter peter

vianetvargas12 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 1:19

haha this is just too funny lol poor girl!!

momma_jess20 0

Tuesday 22 March 2011 7:22

hahahahaha id just take it as a compliment

mkling34 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 4:20

can I see it

Arzee_fml_fml 0

Monday 2 May 2011 17:44

talk about being 'cocky' lol

colorfullyemo 4

Friday 3 June 2011 3:23

they could be young. so it's not that big of a deal

lauraburton95 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 11:09

I closed my eyes the first time I saw one. second time...? sucked like a mother

mrwiggles5422 4

Tuesday 21 June 2011 9:20

Hahahaha she must have been scared that she couldn't see it

Upyous 0

Thursday 30 June 2011 10:16

nice

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The Top

Today, my sister told everyone she doesn't get mad at people anymore, and just accepts it. Today is also the day she folded laundry and threw my clothes around my room. Still not mad, just passive aggressive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 128

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 070

You deserved it 2 515

Today, my mother decided to inform me that she doesn't believe canned food can have an expiry date and that the food is still okay to eat years after the 'supposed' expiry date. She's probably been cooking my dinner with expired food for over 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 962

You deserved it 5 036

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 215

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 384

Today, I accidentally left the store with a bag full of groceries without paying. I realized this halfway to my car when an employee chased me down, thinking I was a thief. Turns out, I had spaced out and walked out during a fire alarm drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 460