Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went out and got very drunk. I talked to a girl and some other people. As the girl left, someone told me to follow her as she didn't seem to know where she was going. As a drunk, socially inept idiot, I did so for about 20 seconds, only for someone to point me out to her and quickly guide her away. Then I lost like £700. FML
Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
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Top comments
thatgirl1299 11
Smooth move
lemonzone25 17
You couldn't have just turned around and went outside instead?
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Comments (81)
mooseantlers 1
first mistake: thinking youre picking up a "nice girl" at a club
deloria_fml 22
Oh, I know 69! Nice girls don't have libidos and know dancing is evil. And ****-shaming is a nicer endeavour than anything a supposedly "nice girl" will do.
iwadasn 33
Having a libido is one thing, but trying to hook up with a stranger who's too drunk to even find you is quite another.
juturnaamo 29
Where I used to live, women would do this to really drunk guys so their brothers could mug them. Might have dodged a bullet. Either that or you're a really charming drunk.
tWest13 10
Surprised you were able to keep track of time
worldclassrager 41
Well if meeting outside had to do with driving you actually did the right thing but still UDI...
Inked0803 12
You totally just **** blocked yourself
shivafloof 5
If you're that drunk, you shouldn't be hooking up with strangers. Next time, just go home and cry in the comfort of your bed instead.
Loboman 6
I am sure if you were that drunk it was probably a fat guy and not a hot chick.
Chris93Jones 20
you can stay positive, meet her next weekend?