Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out and got very drunk. I talked to a girl and some other people. As the girl left, someone told me to follow her as she didn't seem to know where she was going. As a drunk, socially inept idiot, I did so for about 20 seconds, only for someone to point me out to her and quickly guide her away. Then I lost like £700. FML
Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
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Top comments
thatgirl1299 11
Smooth move
lemonzone25 17
You couldn't have just turned around and went outside instead?
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Comments (81)
buddy_J 16
Yet a other reason drinking is a horrible thing that only causes ruin and wastes money
DotDootyDot 17
Not true, alcohol in itself has nothing to do with "ruin" and "waste of money". An occasional wine and beer (sometimes something a little harder) is nice, the problem is when these chumps do not regulate their alcohol intake and go beyond drunk.
MirandaShaee 6
You had five minutes.. plenty of time
Chazzzor 10
So stay the hell away from her!
MixMastaKDizzle 12
lol did it not occur to you that you could just go outside instead?
DotDootyDot 17
OP, you definitely deserved it. Next time don't pump yourself too much with alcohol! And if you were so drunk as to curl up on a dirty bathroom and cry, I'm very doubtful that you would've been able to pop a hard-on.
deloria_fml 22
Sorry, but if you were that drunk, you're actually not capable of giving consent and shouldn't be having sex anyway.
mbuck87 19
If you were that drunk I'd say you would have had trouble getting it up anyway. So maybe you just saved yourself the embarrassment of going through THAT when you got her home Although I'm not sure if that's worse than the embarrassment of crying on the floor of a men's room...
chosha_fml 27
I wouldn't worry about it. If you were that drunk you probably wouldn't have been able to get it up anyway.
pedinhuh 23
Are you sure it was alcohol what you've got wasted with it?
BurnInDemonFire 39
If you were that drunk, then how can you be sure she was genuine? And how can we be sure you're not fabricating this?