Intimacy: Ouch

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 646

You deserved it 29 360

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Spit or Swallow?

By buymeflavoredlube - 05/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 743

You deserved it 974

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 777

You deserved it 4 765

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 590

You deserved it 5 726

Prince Charming

By muskogee - 20/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 349

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 672

You deserved it 12 199

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 038

You deserved it 9 712

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 303

You deserved it 2 763

By thisblows - 16/03/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 830

You deserved it 8 745

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 423

You deserved it 182

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 035

You deserved it 18 785

justlikeme79 9

Thursday 15 December 2011 8:56

Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.

ThatLooksSticky 16

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:31

Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.

Comments

GravityX 6

Thursday 15 December 2011 12:40

Haha, #55 you just made my day XD

Evan2297 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 12:47

Nothing wrong with being blonde #69. Kindly and quietly go **** yourself, you ignorent twat.

i8cake 12

Thursday 15 December 2011 12:50

Try to say Honolulu instead of Kamchatka while you have his junk in your mouth!

snapeaholic 5

Thursday 22 December 2011 9:28

... Kamchatka?

purple91 8

Thursday 15 December 2011 12:58

Om nom nom.

Notime4bull 4

Thursday 15 December 2011 13:26

******** are supposed to be a guy's gifts from heaven... Not a nightmarish event where our junk is in a cheese grater. If you don't know how to do it then please just remember this: No. Teeth. Ever.