Money and Love: Old habits die hard - FML

Old habits die hard

By atsukobo - 10/03/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 665

You deserved it 4 830

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Ugh - 15/02/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 806

You deserved it 3 846

Jerk

By Innocence - 13/02/2015 17:33 - United States - Amelia

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 3 538

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 14:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 657

You deserved it 3 063

By nosleep - 05/02/2011 00:05 - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 231

You deserved it 6 973

Fart are funny, period

By amg85904 - 30/01/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 896

You deserved it 6 587

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 677

You deserved it 2 371

When you're in a dream…

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 012

You deserved it 3 091

By Shameonme - 26/10/2008 16:04 - Morocco

Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 579

You deserved it 61 130

Nice Dream

By Better seamstress than mistress - 12/05/2021 19:59

Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 97

By Ladycakes - 04/06/2012 10:13 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 829

You deserved it 6 913

Next

Top comments

whitedw 0

Saturday 10 March 2012 11:51

lol......well at least he didnt yell some other girl's name but still fyl

indoorsy 3

Saturday 10 March 2012 12:05

Now I anin't saying she's a gold digger...

Comments

Glidefedt 6

Sunday 11 March 2012 13:01

Sounds like something I'd do.

idontknowanythin_fml 5

Sunday 11 March 2012 15:29

Awesome, I moderated this post

valadi 1

Sunday 11 March 2012 17:46

He wasn't dreaming

Crazberry 5

Sunday 11 March 2012 20:02

Try having your very strong, 6'5'' boyfriend pull you into a leghold at 5:00 in the morning because he was fighting a guy in his sleep.

krs7g4 8

Wednesday 14 March 2012 3:11

Mine won't let me get out of bed. If I have to pee I have to wake him up. I feel bad about it, but as soon as I move he tightens his grip and I can't get him off. I can't wait until we get a queen sized bed. I need some space!

Samafilbeit 11

Saturday 18 May 2013 22:30

aww! i miss nights like that!!

shaka_Z_0929007 10

Thursday 15 March 2012 22:04

Reading this just makes me feel uncomfortable, I'm sorry. But next time, make sure he cuddles you.

tattoofano 0

Monday 19 March 2012 18:26

smart husband

RedneckAngel 11

Sunday 13 May 2012 5:18

Just for spite, make him some "silver dollar pancakes" for breakfast, lol.

lauraaaaaa_fml 7

Friday 1 June 2012 22:28

At least he didn't do what my boyfriend did as I tried to snuggle, which was push me out of bed, causing me to smack my head on a hardwood floor. He didn't even wake up.

irishpotatoes 5

Thursday 18 October 2012 2:20

That really isn't an FML because nothing bad happened. So no your life doesn't suck. Sorry sweetie it's the truth.

4
5
6
7
8

Keywords

Management Work Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Relatable Healthy Lifestyle Health Mother in law Gifts Birthday Family Money Parents Public freakouts Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Love Argument AITA Insects Fear Cats Skincare Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

The Top

Today, while fighting unemployment and an visible abscess on my neck, I was cajoled into attending my Mom's birthday party. I spent the entire time at the restaurant trying to hide an oozing sore with a bandage, eating partially edible food. The cost? $40 I can't afford to spend on food not worth $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 95

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not two minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 135

The Top

Today, I had unprotected sex with my 63 year-old friend. I’ve been told I would have trouble ever conceiving naturally. Now he’s worried I'm pregnant. It wouldn’t be so bad if his we weren’t both married. Here’s to hoping I’m not, and if so this baby comes out with brown eyes like mine and my husband's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 819

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 031

You deserved it 3 299

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 115

You deserved it 4 968

Today, my horse and I got into a disagreement over the jumps. I thought "we" should be going over them. He thought "I" should be going over them instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 537

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 816

You deserved it 7 800

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 920

You deserved it 3 840