Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML
Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML
Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML
Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML
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Top comments
whitedw 0
lol......well at least he didnt yell some other girl's name but still fyl
indoorsy 3
Now I anin't saying she's a gold digger...
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Comments (119)
OffToTheGayBar 9
I fail to see what makes this an FML.
sammyscrazza 6
Thats why im afraid to get a wife
ninjduck 0
Yeah that's why
TrinityisLife 22
I've been married for 14 years in July and my marriage is nothing like that. We support one another and work as a team. I'm sorry yours sucks so bad, but not every marriage is like that.
ProhibitionRose 14
35- maybe you just married the wrong person?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
35, Your situation is not caused by "marriage", which really is just a couple of papers, but by the partner you chose and yourself. Marriage shouldn't be any different than a regular committed and exclusive relationship. Signing some forms and having a ceremony does not inherently in and of itself transform a person into a monster. Whether a relationship works out depends on both people involved and their ability to communicate and solve problems together, regardless of whether or not marriage is involved. Bitter couples become such through lack of communication and understanding. Married/committed couples are supposed to be partners, not enemies.
dixiefoxx 22
Yeah, what 49 said. I'm a girl and I think your wife is a bitch 35, but I won't be like that to my husband. I'm really laid back, and I'd want my own job so I don't have to keep bothering my husband about money.. Marriage is a great thing- it really is, you just married the wrong girl
melibear89 7
35 if your marriage is so bad why do you remain in it? If your that unhappy in it make the decision to get a divorce instead of becoming more and more bitter and resentful of your wife. Your continuing to make the choices to keep your self unhappy and bitter.
wittygirl 8
Cause it's called " cheaper to keep her" don't you know divorce is super expensive?
candice22_fml 4
And kids can be involved. Child support isn't cheap.
salamanderss11 1
Dont touch his money
Jaxx66 21
OP, bring it up with him when he's awake. He may be having issues at work and worried about his position. I'm sure that if you two talked you could find out where it came from.
IStoleTheCookies 16
When I first looked at your picture, I thought it was a pair of big saggy **** and a hand holding one, one tit being slightly disformed. Only when I zoomed in, did I realise it was just an innocent little cat. I feel ashamed.
rubberduckie94 13
I talk in my sleep too. I never believed my husband till one morning I was greeted by him and the recording of the twenty minute conversation we had while I was asleep. If your hubby will conversate with you in his sleep I promise great entertainment for you.
CursedSilent 1
Aw, my husband's a talker too. Once, in front of my sister, he shouted, "the dogs cluck and clang". My favorite was when he sat up snd yelled, "I need to do the essay". I asked what essay snd he yold me that it was the one the drawer. I reassured him that there was no essay snd he settled back down. About five minutes later, he grumbled "I told you I had to do the essay". Sure he didn't.
TrinityisLife 22
Sure he isn't being a john when he's out? O_O Yeah, this will prolly get buried........
hateevryone 15
he was dreaming.
superguppy19 3
Both my friend I talk in our sleep so yeah
grannygruber 6
Coulda been worse, I was having a bad dream once and woke up when my husband asked what the f was wrong. Turns out when I was fighting something in my dream I was pounding the hell out of my husband!