Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML
Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML
Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by showing up at her apartment early. I climbed through her bedroom window, holding flowers. I got the wrong window. Some old man screamed, hit me with a broom, and called the cops. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
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Top comments
Easy_Target 0
Nice entrance, Romeo.
cndrow 0
Complete win! Ahaha. That's was a totally awesome idea- just slightly wrong timing.
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Comments (79)
jstasilentscream 3
i second #22 , this is indeed an epic FML, i first read it last night and i'm still laughing my ass off every time i reread it ! it's amazing how far imagination can go.
kgirl12 0
lmaoooo that made me laugh so hard
babychi 0
haha wrong timing for the grand entrance.
scateice 0
l :O l
canulickteeth 0
hahahahahaha...smooth move
skyoolie 0
which is when he replies, "tonight I am going to stab YOU twenty-four times"
SimplySynful 3
Absolutely hilarious! Not exactly the best timing, but well worth the laugh.
SimplySynful 3
Absolutely hilarious! Not exactly the best timing, but well worth the laugh. I hope her father had a sense of humor. I must also agree with #32, that would have been my reply if I had been the father.
pulpfiction_fml 3
Where the **** did you come up with "my **** is going to stab you"? Is it sharp? Does it have a pointy tip? And if so, why would she be turned on by that? That would hurt. A lot.
janeb_fml 0
To people asking about the 'stab' thing - this guy is from France. He obviously means something like poke or something that doesn't have a direct translation.