Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into.... - FML

By Kikinovak - 13/12/2008 12:06 - France

Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into. I politely asked him to move. He had a go at me, so I kick his car twice, in front of a few witnesses. The car is fine. I ripped two ligaments in my foot and I'll have a cast for a month. FML

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Compassion

Abuse

You snooze, you lose

By boring - 10/5/2010 10:14 - New Zealand

Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I'm the most boring person I know. FML

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By Mr. Shawzy - 15/1/2009 11:43 - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

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By vishurricanes - 10/6/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML

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By kerdersty - 30/5/2011 03:27 - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

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By volleyballgirl - 28/2/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2016 19:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

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By none - 28/2/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I realized you should always knock on your parents' door before entering. Even at 6:30 am. FML

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By handymandy - 19/1/2012 11:44 - United States

Today, we received our honeymoon itinerary. Our travel agent booked our flight to Punta Cana correctly. Too bad she booked us a hotel in Orlando, Florida. FML

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By Djcc - 21/2/2012 18:03 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

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By Vlen - 24/5/2015 02:38 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2019 02:00

Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2019 14:01

Triage

Today, while at my job as a nurse in the ER, someone came in with a hangnail. They threw a fit that they had to wait because we were managing a heart attack, a man with colon cancer and a kid with appendicitis. FML

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By fishtacos - 1/12/2014 03:32 - United States - Fontana

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

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By janused - 18/2/2015 17:17 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my dad still refuses to repay the loan I gave him. I've just barely managed to pay my bills, and I'm now so poor that I'll have to survive the next 3 days until my next paycheck by eating the only thing left in my fridge: a jar of cheese whiz. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2019 18:00

Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML

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By Betrayed - 31/7/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML

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By poop - 8/1/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2012 23:49 - United States - Eudora

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

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By smellsgood - 13/3/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

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By mississippi123 - 6/8/2012 05:41 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2015 05:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Bad women's anatomy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

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By macaroni17 - 10/4/2014 02:33 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

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By caphis - 3/5/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

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By Jacklyn - 18/3/2012 19:18 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

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By accidentalslut - 7/8/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

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By Lizziebelle - 1/12/2016 08:07 - United States - Seattle

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

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By Anonymouse - 2/7/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2015 16:36 - Finland - Vammala

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

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By ozozl - 7/11/2014 04:29 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML

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By Broke - 27/7/2016 16:38 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

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By luciaspiano - 5/2/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2016 13:16 - Canada - Brossard

Today, I sent an email to my teacher asking if a source was a primary source, he replied yes. I got my grade back for my essay and it was worse than I expected. My teacher said it was because I didn't use a primary source. I showed him the email, to which he replied, "Well, I was wrong in the email." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2014 04:46 - United States - Diana

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

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By why - 23/7/2013 13:21

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2016 14:04 - United States - Bel Air

Today, while opening up to a few friends about how I was sexually abused as a child, one of them blurted "Pics or it didn't happen." How did the others react? With outrage? No, just with awkward chuckling. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2019 01:00

How deep is it?

Today, my husband rolled over in his sleep, cuddled up to me, and lovingly whispered “I love you Pizza Hut...” FML

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Top comments

By wretcheddawn | 0

#80211 - Friday 3 April 2009 22:16

Some guy parked in a space you wanted to park in, so you kicked his car? Pick your fights man, is it really that big of a deal to you that you have to find another space?

By will90 | 5

#74919 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 18:23

For me the next logical step would be punching him in the face. I see you went the "Kick the hard metal object" route though. Interesting.

COMMENTS

By will90 | 5

#74919 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 18:23

For me the next logical step would be punching him in the face. I see you went the "Kick the hard metal object" route though. Interesting.

Reply

StarOfDoom | 26

#6506914 - Sunday 10 January 2016 21:10

First comment to make me actually laugh in a while! xD

By wretcheddawn | 0

#80211 - Friday 3 April 2009 22:16

Some guy parked in a space you wanted to park in, so you kicked his car? Pick your fights man, is it really that big of a deal to you that you have to find another space?

Reply

confushon | 12

#6186955 - Thursday 29 January 2015 15:59

Lmaoooo great comment!!

By Jackthestripper | 0

#99008 - Friday 10 April 2009 15:45

The strike point is the heel. If you kick with the ball of the foot you can hyperextend the achilles tendon. If you kick with the instep you're a fucking idiot. And if you kick a car with your shin you'll have my everlasting respect.

Reply

Ezekeyle | 0

#685524 - Monday 23 November 2009 23:23

Precisely. YDI if you have a weaksauce foot. Man up.

By suhjinko2 | 0

#109257 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 3:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By suhjinko2 | 0

#109263 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 3:28

You have keys for a reason...
A parking space isn't that much of a deal. If it was in some at a mall on a weekend with no parking, then you have my sympathy.

By xBlooDyANgeLx | 0

#133499 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:41

And here is when a foot needs not to connect to anything at all.. It should've connected to someone's behind, particularly the driver's, but no, you chose the damned car.

By schadenfreudeFTW | 0

#205698 - Sunday 17 May 2009 11:24

dickhead.

By savetherainfores_fml | 0

#256661 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 0:21

Ha that sucks
Save the rainforest or everyone dies

By HeyThereGorgeous | 0

#267756 - Friday 5 June 2009 1:45

Dude it's a jungle in the parking lots. Once you have a spot YOU SNATCH IT!!!!

By ssnickel | 0

#294490 - Thursday 11 June 2009 22:27

You don't OWN that parking spot, asshole. I would've done the same thing in a full parking lot. YDI x10