Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
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Top comments
odamaliekh 26
Anything can be a ***** if you're brave enough.
worldclassrager 41
What's her reaction to mouthwash or Vaseline?
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Comments (93)
hazelnuts 15
I apologise for the last comment that offended some poor innocent soul. But as I was saying this FML has been used a few times already, the only thing that changes in this story is the mothers children.
daddysgirl243 21
dirty mind
disbatch 14
Pray for her
EvilLittleMan 23
I am sure with a little investigative work around the house, you will unearth the King Kong sized, super turbo charged, combination ***** / vibrator.
viggysmallz 8
I'm sorry, wasn't this exact post on here a few months ago?
sp00derman 23
Tell her that's what her's is for ;)
SaniK 17
I had a mom like that too growing up, you just have to remain calm and don't engage in a lengthy conversation because it's like arguing with politicians, you just can't win. You could try "I bought this for this reason and if I'm lying, Jesus will know."
gracehi 33
Your mom is silly.
SMHsohard 22
This seems to be a fixation for the religious Right. I despair for their oral hygiene.
Colon_Man 17
Accuse her of buying a washing machine only for sitting on.