Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
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Top comments
odamaliekh 26
Anything can be a ***** if you're brave enough.
worldclassrager 41
What's her reaction to mouthwash or Vaseline?
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Comments (93)
demonte_jones 19
Why is your extremely religious mother having thoughts like that in the first place?
cjfred 13
Many people who identify themselves as extremely religious are not only very judgmental, but also very imaginative in thinking of ways in which almost any behavior can be shown to be a sign of sexual immorality. In short, the zealots spend far too much time thinking about sex.
GeorgiaBea 28
Doesn't everybody?
Trolloled 16
OP's nickname makes this.
Silk_Routes 14
Show her how it works ...
Nessco 36
that's just creepy
BlaqMontana 16
that's just suspicious . who'd even think that except someone who's done it before. you have a really creative mum though. lol
Zwerik 31
'I don't think that's how it works, mom.' :P
dustin007 15
Well do you??
Miss_Mandi 29
Your mom is effing weird. Straight or not, it takes a special kind of guy to want a vibrating toothbrush up the ass.
VeganDarkLight 31
Well, nobody said anything about shoving it up the ass, it could be used to stimulate the penis or perineum as well.
kilarbos 14
Tbh, prostate orgasms can be had just fine, if you do it right...
cjfred 13
Go ahead, OP, tell us you never tried it. (But remember, we were all teenagers once too.)
hazelnuts 15
This FML is used and abused more than a $5 hooker on a long weekend. First it was the religious nut job of a mother and a teenage daughter, next was a religious mother saying the same thing to her middle aged daughter and now it's a religious mother telling her son the same thing. Or is it a miracle/coincidence the exact same life event happens so often.
Fmlsea 28
yes because theres no way that you could've brought a toothbrush because you needed a new one -_- maybe your mum thinks you have an electric toothbrush might tempt you into doing it .