Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
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Top comments
odamaliekh 26
Anything can be a ***** if you're brave enough.
worldclassrager 41
What's her reaction to mouthwash or Vaseline?
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Comments (93)
saffy66 34
I'm always amazed by the dirty minds some parents have. In my teens the word spunk meant someone hot. My mother used to punish my brother and I for using that word, saying it was something disgusting. Turns out, at the time, the only place it was used to refer to semen was in the dirty magazines my dad had hidden....
RedPillSucks 33
Are you Amish?
HoboMeth 36
****
janfleury 19
if someone can use bubble wrap I'm sure you can use an electric toothbrush.
gabagabaheyu 10
maybe she's guilty...
hegchog12 18
Don't blame me if this goes horribly wrong but maybe you could stick it inside your shaft, then turn it on. This may require medical attention afterwords.
swanheart 35
That would sure prove his mum wrong.....
Xion0014 20
Well she's a buzzkill.
flyerpretender 3
In psychological term, it called "projection". And I would recommend replace said electric toothbrush without thinking too much. Imagination is a hard thing to forget!!!
meghancuma 14
You should've told her that's what it was for, just to see her reaction
logank013 20
Yes. I thought this was funny when I saw this FML 2 months ago. Good job copy cat.