Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML
Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my coworker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she went to the manager and accused me of sexual harassment. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML
Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML
Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML
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Top comments
Angelice_fml 0
Ouch, I'm really sorry. ): People take things too far these days.
drawmesunshine 17
Perhaps the male employees felt left out. Maybe at your next job, you should compliment their looks and offer them foot rubs, too. Think of this as a learning experience.
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Comments (209)
hateevryone 14
and how is that harassment? smh.....dumbass females.
GoneClubbin 9
That is sexual harassment numbnuts
ebethsuperstar 2
That is creepy hands down. Just the way you wrote it made me squirm. Women don't want compliments from creepers like you and the whole foot rub thing is just disgusting. YDI for not understanding professionalism and common decency. Now I need a shower :/
frettile 2
Are you sure you weren't giving them the "creep eye" when you made these comments?
mattorama 15
YDI. Go Google "Things not to say to women at the work place." You do not compliment women, ever, for anything while at work. Good luck trying to get another job after being fired for sexual harassment, "nice guy."
HunterAlpha1 8
don't feel bad OP, you're not the only guy who's said the wrong thing during the wrong time of the month.
arcottrammathorn 1
You're a weirdo. Also, lesson to be learned here: nothing good can come from being too nice to women
LovesickLeopard 0
Somebody is unaware that offering a foot rub is a common line to get sex later.
zachrulz5 0
**** sexual harassment. If youre being harassed, kick the dude in the testicles.
cudi27 5
Everyone is so ******* sensitive now a days u were being nice like wtd