Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML
Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my coworker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she went to the manager and accused me of sexual harassment. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML
Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML
Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
Angelice_fml 0
Ouch, I'm really sorry. ): People take things too far these days.
drawmesunshine 17
Perhaps the male employees felt left out. Maybe at your next job, you should compliment their looks and offer them foot rubs, too. Think of this as a learning experience.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (209)
lostfaithinpppl 19
You sound more like a creeper than a gentleman, OP.
SimonREWQ 0
Sounds suggestive to me. When you get on a personal level with co-workers, you become vulnerable. YDI. Idiot.
contedefees 11
Here is a good rule of thumb: if your means of being "friendly" towards your co-workers is different depending on whether they are male or female, you need to re-evaluate your strategy for being friendly. Get some more female friends. You're probably not aware of how creepy that comes off if you have never heard a female perspective.
NullPointer 20
That's good. Beating your wife with someone smaller than your thumb is pointless. I'm glad they only allowed you to use things larger than your thumb. I like choosing a branch from a tree as thick as my wrist. I wonder how they punished people for using rods that were too thin? I don't care what they did, they need to learn how to beat your wife. Spare the rod, spoil the women, that's my motto.
mama2b3 20
sorry but foot massages? you do sound like a creeper.ydi
IrishJesus 5
Foot massage? Really OP? I don't blame them for being creeped out.
jhb33 4
He was just being nice
wolleiy 3
Stop Lying we all know you harassed those ladies!
havocmike 3
You deserved it. Just because you're in denial about being a creep doesn't mean you're not a creep. You can't offer foot rubs. Its just inappropriate and weird
charlotte100 2
But U didn't tell how you said it, prolly in a creepy ass tone accompanied by eyebrow lifts.
InUrArea 4
Dude that is creepy as hell