Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

By Anonymous - 8/8/2019 20:00 - United States

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

Favorite

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Workaholic

Lockdown is driving us down

By expassword - 17/12/2010 00:20 - United States

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33998

You deserved it

3705

Favorite

By Username - 11/8/2011 23:38 - United States

Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42009

You deserved it

2708

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/2/2010 11:58 - New Zealand

Today, at the supermarket, I ignored the "Riding on trolleys down the ramp is strictly prohibited" sign. While going full speed down the ramp, my trolley with $200 worth of groceries in it tipped and crashed. Luckily, I broke its fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5972

You deserved it

47804

Favorite

By anonamous - 12/3/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22074

You deserved it

9069

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 18:02 - United States - Gillette

Not now, mom!

Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1097

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/5/2020 20:00

Vultures

Today, after spending a few weeks getting to know my birth father and thinking he seemed decent, he's realised my adoptive parents aren’t rich and no, I can’t lend him a few grand. Now, he’s vanished and written several nasty Facebook posts about not being able to trust family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2113

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12534

You deserved it

27076

Favorite

By Jen - 9/11/2010 03:36 - Australia

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36679

You deserved it

2730

Favorite

By alchy - 2/5/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13928

You deserved it

36119

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/2/2010 15:29 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years left me for a guy whose favorite color is camouflage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40712

You deserved it

5750

Favorite

By turnedoff - 18/6/2012 01:00 - United States

Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34395

You deserved it

5727

Favorite

By MikaPika - 7/3/2017 20:00 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, my boss offered me a 3% "raise" with new commission targets. Consequently this "raise" would result in my income being reduced by a third. Apparently, if I can reach my current targets, they're too easy. So, as a reward for being great at my job, I get a reduced salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5754

You deserved it

339

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/3/2015 05:36 - United States - Mendham

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35724

You deserved it

2373

Favorite

By atsukobo - 10/3/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26566

You deserved it

4758

Favorite

By mischalucksux - 19/9/2016 13:54 - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16699

You deserved it

1051

Favorite

By Big bootay - 28/1/2019 16:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year old son pointed to a lady and exclaimed “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2116

You deserved it

313

Favorite

By LogicalMolly - 13/12/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19978

You deserved it

49146

Favorite

By Phycheledic - 12/5/2016 10:22 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

14423

You deserved it

1566

Favorite

By FriendZone - 3/3/2017 16:00 - United States - Abington

Today, after what I thought was several weeks of flirting with a coworker, I asked her out on a date. She asked if it could be a double date, and I said yes. I brought a friend, she brought her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6683

You deserved it

1963

Favorite

By artdegreemyass - 21/7/2012 21:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26524

You deserved it

3096

Favorite

By 1000dollarspoor - 7/10/2009 09:25 - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33755

You deserved it

10038

Favorite

By aasatt22 - 8/6/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64738

You deserved it

8652

Favorite

By secret123 - 24/2/2009 11:01 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47023

You deserved it

19005

Favorite

By bummerdood - 26/8/2012 04:15 - United States - Wichita

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24669

You deserved it

7945

Favorite

By maybe time to adopt - 4/3/2018 15:00

Oops.

Today, after my wife and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years, I found out she's still on the pill. Apparently when she was a teen she had bad period cramps, so her doctor gave her the pill for the pain. She never realized it stops pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6572

You deserved it

1020

Favorite

By fuckingfloridahowihatethee - 26/4/2014 19:55 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39312

You deserved it

5372

Favorite

By Stupidhuman - 13/4/2017 13:02 - United States - Sparta

Today, I noticed my cat was about to vomit on the rug and yelled at her to move. She spooked and managed to throw up while running. I still had to clean up the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3467

You deserved it

2129

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42605

You deserved it

6088

Favorite

By hate enough to kill... - 14/10/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Stevensweert

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29408

You deserved it

1976

Favorite

By Sith Dad - 5/9/2018 15:00

Today, I accompanied my daughter to her classmate's Disney Princess themed birthday party. Minutes in, the celebrant's mother kindly asked us to leave because my daughter was ruining the theme. How? She dressed up as Princess Leia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2826

You deserved it

327

Favorite

By anon - 20/11/2015 00:53 - New Zealand

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25506

You deserved it

2200

Favorite

By Thesuz - 6/9/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36558

You deserved it

3305

Favorite

By annonymous - 7/9/2015 20:56 - United States

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31629

You deserved it

2399

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39372

You deserved it

4401

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 23:04

I need some me time

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a 3-hour trip because she needed a break from the baby and me. I forgot to mention who she went with: her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1803

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25273

You deserved it

3779

Favorite

By crazycatwaiter - 22/6/2020 23:06

Trip Advisor says no

Today, I was so excited that my favorite local spot reopened, I couldn’t wait to go there for lunch. Unfortunately, my waiter’s shirt was so caked with thick smelly cat hair, it sent me into an immediate allergy attack. Not only did I not get to eat my food, the manager refused to give me a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1372

You deserved it

197

Favorite

By Noname - 20/2/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

92190

You deserved it

19333

Favorite

By Lisa - 23/8/2019 22:00 - United States - Tupelo

Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1937

You deserved it

Favorite

By wellthisisawkward80 - 6/11/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34502

You deserved it

17898

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By chyiochan | 30

#7830005 - Friday 9 August 2019 13:53

Well then stop sleeping in the bathroom! Jeez...

COMMENTS

By chyiochan | 30

#7830005 - Friday 9 August 2019 13:53

Well then stop sleeping in the bathroom! Jeez...