Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Your foreskin was... alive? Circumcision guilt?
robbins28 7
What the hell?
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Comments (150)
hickeyboy42 11
What in God's name did I just read
mullet3388 16
you deserve to be haunted by hittler you stupid ****
Josephace 2
FYI you could have a procedure to get your foreskin back.
contentedmama 8
Surgical restoration is pretty useless but you can stimulate growth of new skin by tugging the shift skin.
mulumequitem 6
It happens to the best of us.
sanecatlady 13
It's funny to think that my tonsils that were removed when I was around four are waiting for me up on a cloud somewhere...
Aweh_Olivia 13
Probably my favorite FML I've ever read.
kalbrek009 20
I personally doubt you will "meet it in heaven"...no pun intended. But in all seriousness, I wonder if you don't have don't have some more deeply seated issues in your life that could be helped by a good therapist, rather than wasting time "moping around" about your foreskin.
hellmate 12
this is more "dumbshits being dumbshits" than a "FML"
contentedmama 8
Way to victim shame. I bet you wouldn't have the same reaction if it was a woman on here complaining about the removal of *her* foreskin. Sexist...
mikey38654 3
Weird.
contentedmama 8
Research it and you will never inflict this on your sons. It's one of those topics where the more you know, the more you are against it. There is a growing movement to end routine infant circumcision because of just how barbaric it is.