By Anonymous

Love is blind

Today, my ex-wife confessed to me that she's in love with my father and broke down crying because he's never approved of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1713

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144

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Good kid

Running commentary

Modern Family

By dead rats

Today, I had a terrible stomach ache and had some pretty bad gas at work. I tried to head down to the basement for a while to allow my coworkers to continue in peace. About an hour after I came back up, my boss called pest control due to the horrible smell that "must be dead rats". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13423

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1281

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10852

You deserved it

1135

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By -bird-poop- - Germany

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48836

You deserved it

7515

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By hkkilla - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26774

You deserved it

10508

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to check my email on our family computer. Since my dad's account was already logged on, I chose to use his instead of logging on my own. When opening up a new page and seeing his recently viewed sites, I learned that he loves to watch porn. I also learned he has a foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34420

You deserved it

19338

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By Brian - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32123

You deserved it

5086

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By Youknowwho - Australia

Today, I was in a toilet cubicle, when I overheard two of my friends at the sink talking about how ugly and skinny I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28218

You deserved it

2419

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By Anonymous

Today, I got back to my car with a note cussing me out for parking in a disabled space when I’m clearly not disabled. They also smashed my windows. It’s true, I’m not disabled, but I also wasn’t parked in a disabled space. I was parked in a normal space next to the disabled spaces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5049

You deserved it

210

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By Timv86 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32833

You deserved it

3063

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By ....... - United States

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks

258284

You deserved it

42686

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32838

You deserved it

2240

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By LostSleep - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11674

You deserved it

771

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By Shelby

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

204

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 00:58 - United States - Edmond

Say nothing

Today, right now, my husband is on the phone with his friend. Last night I had a dream I was cheating on him with this friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

316

You deserved it

678

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By pea - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33309

You deserved it

3008

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By NotAModel - United States

Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone seemed interested, and was especially curious to know if I could "model" it for him, in "stockings and suspenders." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28160

You deserved it

3833

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By Stumanji - United States

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28011

You deserved it

2184

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By fecurtis - United States

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32528

You deserved it

13324

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By indi1011 - Australia

Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out.' He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45979

You deserved it

25424

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55927

You deserved it

9326

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from this girl I really like. Surprised, as I never get anything other than a text from her, I answered. All I heard were rustling sounds. She had pocket dialed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31310

You deserved it

5019

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By Sleepy - United Kingdom - Hayes

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31959

You deserved it

15600

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By joxerthemighty39 - United States

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31765

You deserved it

3421

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By Nebraskawreck

Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag and parts of our wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2542

You deserved it

366

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By nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29432

You deserved it

3687

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By ruffrider - United States

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37631

You deserved it

65211

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By kb123

Today, I'm visiting my wife's home country for the first time. To avoid the spicy street food, I bought something labelled "Fruit salad" from a street vendor. I didn't know even Pakistani fruit salad can be very spicy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1834

You deserved it

336

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By Martin s - 8/5/2021 01:59 - United States - Manahawkin

Assumptions

Today, I saw the crazy meth guy, who randomly rolls up on you on his bike and tells you how he met Jesus, leading a little boy behind a church. After I made sure nothing weird was happening, I reported it to the police and posted a status to warn parents on Facebook, I found it was actually his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

453

You deserved it

847

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By Oops54321 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

10660

You deserved it

33040

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By she has dumbcuntitis - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30094

You deserved it

1995

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By neverdateaclosetcase - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46291

You deserved it

13487

Favorite

By IamHM - United States

Today, I walked 2 miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager and everyone in line behind me. I walked 2 miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24599

You deserved it

4266

Favorite

By nullpointer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13711

You deserved it

1941

Favorite

By TBTC - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28290

You deserved it

5398

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By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24834

You deserved it

2129

Favorite

By Anonymous - Tanzania United Republic of

Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8782

You deserved it

65844

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely resemble the anti-christ, and I am a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36469

You deserved it

4706

Favorite

By sweatstreaks - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25035

You deserved it

11469

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By coop42 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47016

You deserved it

6059

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By WTF

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43010

You deserved it

3051

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Top comments

By Allie614032 | 34

#7902535 - Friday 1 May 2020 23:06

Did she fall for him before or after you two got married?

By MsMourningStar | 22

#7902726 - Saturday 2 May 2020 20:03

That sounds like some serious daddy issues.

COMMENTS

By Allie614032 | 34

#7902535 - Friday 1 May 2020 23:06

Did she fall for him before or after you two got married?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7902539 - Friday 1 May 2020 23:53

That's so sad! She could have become your stepmother.

FadedShield | 5

#7902991 - Sunday 3 May 2020 21:32

Milfzr, anybody?

By MsMourningStar | 22

#7902726 - Saturday 2 May 2020 20:03

That sounds like some serious daddy issues.

By pawesome21 | 21

#7903475 - Tuesday 5 May 2020 2:36

U should buy and use the same cologne as him!