Sex and Love: Love and threats

Love and threats

By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 868

You deserved it 4 876

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 686

You deserved it 5 695

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 651

You deserved it 4 912

By Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 110

You deserved it 1 448

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 237

You deserved it 36 235

By mydadsgonnakillme - 08/02/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 546

You deserved it 12 432

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 461

You deserved it 5 315

Oil and water

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 14:00

Today, my parents met my boyfriend, and to say it went badly is an understatement. My mom went outside to relax by chain smoking and the shouting, and the screaming only ended when my dad took my boyfriend by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the front door into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 272

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 582

You deserved it 4 974

Scolded

By oopsies - 08/01/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 025

You deserved it 5 457

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 18:00

Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 303

yusaku02 20

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:26

Sounds like your dad just cares about you a lot. It's a good thing ;)

K_kanaka 26

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:31

The good news is your dad cares about you and wants to protect you. The bad news is your boyfriend may now be scared shit less and may be considering the option to break up with you, and running away to another country so he won't be murdered by that psychotic killer that is you father . But if your boyfriend does stay by your side then you know he is a keeper. :)

Comments

tantantheman 0

Monday 16 January 2012 4:41

Ur dads bad ass!

chelsinator 8

Monday 16 January 2012 4:50

Well if your boyfriends a man he will stay with you because he respects your dad, and of course because he likes you :)

downtime 12

Monday 16 January 2012 5:11

It seems your definition of "man" and mine differ greatly. I don't generally consider a "man" someone who will date girls because they respect their dad's for being over the top protective, but that's just me.

juwood 7

Monday 16 January 2012 4:55

If anything at least your dad is creative.

Country29 16

Monday 16 January 2012 4:57

It happens OP, my own father has promised much worse for much less

represent116 0

Monday 16 January 2012 5:16

My dads a pastor, so he probably wouldn't say it quite like that...but if he knew I was dating someone, he'd probably say something like that, which is probably why I'm pregnant.