Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my parents met my boyfriend, and to say it went badly is an understatement. My mom went outside to relax by chain smoking and the shouting, and the screaming only ended when my dad took my boyfriend by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the front door into the street. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
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Top comments
yusaku02 20
Sounds like your dad just cares about you a lot. It's a good thing ;)
K_kanaka 26
The good news is your dad cares about you and wants to protect you. The bad news is your boyfriend may now be scared shit less and may be considering the option to break up with you, and running away to another country so he won't be murdered by that psychotic killer that is you father . But if your boyfriend does stay by your side then you know he is a keeper. :)
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Comments (173)
mitchythegreeen 5
thats michigan for ya...
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
Lol it's not just a MI thing. I think every dad does something like that to make sure their daughter doesn't get hurt. In fact I think it's worse here in the south.
jingajanga 0
Ah Dad and his Viet Cong stories
hateevryone 15
dad knows best
bigtaytay 13
It's normal. My younger sister is 15 so I'm gonna be the same way. And truth be told I feel bad for the first boy who knocks on our front door asking for her, god help him if I answer
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
If you have any guns or know someone that does, be cleaning them when he shows up. Tell him, "so I see you are here to take out my sister. Well, that's all fine and dandy. I want her home by _____. If you are a minute late bringing her home expect me to be outside with one of these guns waiting. If you hurt her, expect one of these guns to find you. Oh, don't worry about someone finding the body... A shovel and a bag of lime will take care of that. So, do we have an understanding? By the way my name is _____, I'm ____ 's big brother."
Okayitwasme 0
Sorry OP, your dad knows what most boys think.... Sex. On average I think it's like every 5 to 10 seconds. T
hunteryager 18
Ummmm no, there is no way that is true. We may think about sex a lot, but that's just rediculous.
mrnieto1894 0
Protective much?
madfrenchfries 0
That is real love
XxdaniixX14 3
I'm scared if how ny dad is going to react when I have my first boyfriend ...
Bludmagnus 13
That is not "over-protective"... that is the sign of a parent who either expects only the kind of person for you that he wants, or that he intends to "run your life" till he is dead...
bfrench95 0
Put one ball in each toaster slot and crank that shit for 5 minutes that's how I get my toasty nuts