Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML
Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML
Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML
Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
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Top comments
d4m4s74 12
Hey, it's a nice story to tell his friends when he's older.
Typicall 21
Well isn't that cute ...
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Comments (84)
perdix 31
It's funny how kids gravitate toward the dirty words. Among my daughter's first words was "asshole" which she learned while driving around with me.
mFUNdo21 17
my twin sister and I's first words were "motherfucking bitch" so really the heil Hitler thing isn't so bad
upallnight11 19
What's up with all these FMLs about Breaking Bad lately?
Enslaved 38
Because of "FML" is the reason I started watching the show on Netflix. Wanted to know what the hype was all about. I'm on season 2 and just meet the "Better call Saul" lawyer. :P
Caitie_kid 8
Just wait... It gets way crazier and way better. I love that show!
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Saul dies in season 3.
jamjam12 15
aah Saul is the best! "Laser tag - it's good cardio. Plus you get to shoot at kids!"
Caitie_kid 8
32 is an asshole. **** off 32.
nitrog100 21
...Foreshadowing...
jmad109 3
Hey this wouldn't have happened if he had used hulu plus instead
kryptonite2070 13
yea bitch!
kryptonite2070 13
say my name...
leeburns 5
This just made my morning! There should be a video of that!!!!!
DocBastard 40
Now I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't watch this show. Then again, the only TV show I really watch is "Mythbusters". I tried to get my 2 year old to say "I reject your reality and substitute my own!" but he hasn't quite gotten it yet.
SlapAndTickle 20
If it makes you feel any better Doc, I haven't seen the show either. I'm more into Longmire right now.
TheDrifter 24
Mythbusters is awesome. You should check out Deadliest Warrior too Doc. Comparative testing and quasi scientific examinations of obsolete weapon systems.
LegolasPrincess 10
Not that bad considering my earliest R rated experiences was The Shining and Carrie...
maxinator5000 7
That Is ******* amazing.